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Forward:
A different take on the first part of Breaking Dawn. What happened if Bella never got pregnant? What if she was “changed” while on her island honeymoon? The following story is form Edward's point of view.
This story begins during Edward and Bella's honeymoon.
Edward and Bella have already made love for the first time. Now, three days after that encounter, Edward is still unable to forgive himself for the physical pain he believes he has caused his fragile Bella. Bella on the other hand wants nothing more than for him to believe her when she says that she felt no pain and to once again be together as husband and wife. Bella insists that it was one of the “happiest moments of her life.” That being Edward's wife, being with him, makes her complete. Edward is unwilling to listen.
The newly married couple has spent little time together over the last three days.
Chapter 1
Sitting on the overstuffed couch with my head in my hands I can hear Bella turning on the kitchen faucet. The pipes let out a slight moan before the water rushes out and splashes against the sink basin. There Bella stands slowly washing the dish she just used for dinner. Methodically, she moves the sponge in circles around the plate. My sensitive vampire ears pickup no other sound of movement. I casually look over my shoulder to see Bella staring out the wide kitchen window. Her face void of emotion. The dish cradled in her hand spotless. All the water has drained from the sponge she clutches, and yet Bella's dainty hand continues to orbit the plate. It is if she is in a trance. Now more than ever I wish I knew what she was thinking.
Here I sat silently, head in my hands, as Bella ate her dinner. And now I continue to sit, a statue of pain, a statue of agony. How could I have given in? How could I have been so careless? To cause her such pain, if only for my pleasure. How could I have done that to her? I professed to love her, to keep her safe and all I have done is hurt her. She keeps trying to tell me otherwise, but I know that she is just trying to protect me. God only knows why. Our making love was a mistake.
Before that night I would have sat across from my love while she ate. Laughing at the look she always gives me when I stare too long while she is chewing. Using those moments while her mouth is full to tease her. Sick as it may be, I always love watching her cheeks turn crimson with embarrassment. A visualization of the forbidden blood that flows in her very human body. I had always insisted on accompanying Bella while she ate. I never wanted her to feel alone. But Now, things have changed. How can I be in the same room as her? Such an angel. Me, a constant reminder of the mistake she made. The monster she married.
My throat begins to burn. My reminder, if the bruises covering her delicate body weren't enough, of the monster that I am. That I always will be. How will I be able to face her for the rest of her life? I feel so ashamed. My brain told it would be the wrong thing to do, but I foolishly listened to our combined hearts. What should I do? What can I do? The burn swells in my throat again and I know that I can't ignore it any longer. I need to hunt.
Chapter 2:
“I'm going out to hunt.” I quietly say as I reach for the door. Bella doesn't say anything. Still washing that plate. Still in her trance. Slowly I turn the handle, ready to take my leave. Walking through the door I feel the warm sand give slightly under the weight of my feet. For a moment I wish it was quicksand. That the earth before our honeymoon suite would give way and consume me entirely. Then Bella would be free of me. I would no longer be the cause of Bella's pain. But alas, I know this will not happen. Only wishful thinking.
I stop for a moment and breathe in the night. It is a typical, warm, tropical night. I can taste the salt that hangs in the air. I also can smell a flock of birds nesting to the east. The smell reminds me of my purpose. I am thirsty. While a small flock of birds will not quench my thirst I know it curb it. Again, I fill my lungs with the tropical air. It looks like the birds are the largest game on the menu tonight. Rather than taking off at my usual vampire speed I walk slowly towards the grove of palm trees. My prey lay sleeping, I have no fear of waking them. All the while I am thing of my precious Bella. She is my life. I must figure out a way to make us work. Maybe Carlisle will have an answer when we return home. In my distraction I almost trip over a large piece of beached driftwood. I can empathize with it. There it lay twisted and broken. Twisted and broken like my soul, if I had one. Taking solace in it's appearance I kneel down and sit on the weathered old branch.
I forget my hunger as I stare at the waves crashing on the beach. Like the beginning of a new day they keep coming. They remind me that in the end tomorrow will always come. We must, not I must find a way to right things. I promised my love that I would never leave her again. I know how much pain that action caused us both the first time. I silently make a vow to myself, while I will not leave, I will never hurt her again.
Just then I hear the sound of footsteps consciously nearing me. The wind picks up and I can smell the sweet perfume that is Bella. Her steps are light, almost unauditable against the warm white sand. The waves helping hide her aproach. If only I knew what she was thinking. I would know what to do next. Is she afraid of me? What could she be doing out here? Did she decide to go for a walk not expecting to find me on this branch? I strain my ears for a clue as to her next move. As to mine.
Chapter 3:
There Bella stood. Her features softly illuminated in the moonlight. She was like a vision. No, more than a vision, a goddess, standing before me. A goddess draped in deep blue lace. The ensemble was obviously something of my sister Alice's choosing. The outfit an attempt to entice me. As if Bella alone wasn't enough, as if she needed any help. The thought of Alice fluttering through a lingerer store in Paris looking for things that I might like filled my head. She would be commanding the sales staff in prefect french as they trip over themselves trying to accommodate this obviously important customer. Alice enjoying every second. Even though we are not related by blood, and she is Bella's best friend, the thought of my sister doing this disturbed my old fashioned sensibilities. I looked away from Bella to the white sand below, shaking my head from side to side in an attempt to dislodge the image from my mind.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Bella fall to her knees. Before I could say a word, “you don't love me. You don't want me,” Bella cried. “How could you think...” My voice stopped short. Her red rimmed eyes looked up at me with astonishment. Maybe even a hint of vexation. “You can't even look at me.” She whispered. She sound tired, worn down. “What? I... oh no you thought?” I smiled. A smile she has always said she can't stay mad at. She had misconstrued my actions. My love thought I was looking away from her. Shaking my head at her. Rejecting her. Who could reject such a vision of perfection? I had just sworn to never hurt her again and of course I managed to do so in less than ten minuets.
In a flash I was on my knees. I quickly wrapped my arms around Bella's body. She was trembling and I could feel her warm tears on my cheek. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” I professed, but she didn't or wouldn't hear me. I knew that I had to act. I had to change this downward spiral of hurt and rejection we were sliding down. Actions speak louder than words. That old adage came to mind. Now I was going to test that statement. In that moment I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers.
I started kissing her gently, sweetly at first. “Oh Edward.” She moaned. There in the moonlight we continued to kiss. All the tension and worry of the last few days began to melt away. The passion in our hearts growing. Bella intertwined her hands in my hair, pulling me to her. Her grip on me was stronger than it had ever been. And I allowed it. In fact, it spurred me on. I wrapped one arm around Bella's slender torso. The other I used to explore her body. Oh, how I have missed the feel of her skin. What had only been three days felt like an eternity. My lips moved from that of my love's to her neck. I kissed her neck allowing my mouth to trace her collarbone under her soft skin. I could feel her pulse quicken. Bella's body arched even harder into mine filling any gaps that still existed between the two of us. I inhaled deeply. Her scent was intoxicating. Suddenly, the sweetness of her scent traveled down my throat igniting the fire of my thirst. I never wanted anything more in my life then I wanted Bella in that moment.
Chapter 4:
The smell, the closeness of our bodies, all of it was too much for me. My vampire urges took me over. They possessed me. I was no longer Edward Cullen, gentle, proper, vegetarian. I was Edward, thirsty vampire. Suddenly my mouth closed over the nape of Bella's neck. The feeble human skin was no match form my razor sharp teeth. Teeth doing what they were designed to do. What I was designed to do. Feed on the weak, on the human. Before I could realize what I was doing, my teeth penetrated Bella's tender skin. I could feel my mouth fill with her warm succulent blood. Blood more delectable than any other I have tasted in my almost one hundred years of existence. The feeding on her felt right. Reason escaped me. In my mind she was no longer Bella, just prey. I swallowed quickly. Eager to devour another mouthful. I couldn't get enough. My body seemed electrified by her essence. I continued to drink her sweet nectar.
Nourished and revitalized the craze of feeding began to subside slightly. Savoring the nectar, my consumption slowed. My feeding was more like sampling a fine wine now. I rolled the blood around in my mouth allowing it to coat all my taste buds. Enjoying the various subtleties therein. Unlike wine, I dare not waste a drop by spitting it out. This was more delectable and rare than any vintage ever created. I could not waste a drop. It was then that I realized what I was doing. This no longer being the passionate embrace of two lovers. This, Bella, by no means being prey. This is my love, my wife, my life. Bella's hands no longer held me to her. Instead they lay limp by her sides. Her body lifeless in my ridged arms.
“Bella!” I frantically screamed.
No answer. All the self control I had exhibited over the past couple years gone in one moment. I was a monster. Only a monster could destroy the way I just had. Wost of all, I had enjoyed it. Savoring every drop. I knew I had to do something. Carlisle had guided me through saving Bella when she was bitten by James in Arizona. I know what I have to do. I have to remove the venom from her body before it is too late. How had I blocked the taste from my memory? Such an amazing... “NO,” I screamed out loud trying to stop my thoughts.
“Control yourself.” I ordered.
After what had just happened, what I am thinking now, I know I don't posses the will power to save her. If anything I will only destroy her completely. My only choice, aid Bella in becoming one of us. A vampire.
Chapter 5
I can almost hear Carlisle's voice urging me to get Bella into the house. I half turned in the hopes of seeing him behind me. Unfortunately, he is nowhere to be found. Abruptly, I am griped by the fact that here on the island we are utterly alone. I am completely terrified. Like a boy afraid of the monsters under his bed, I needed my adopted father. Carlisle would know what to do. He knows what to do. If only I had stayed with him during the transformations of Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett. Then, I would be better prepared for this moment. I never stayed. Though I empathized with what they were going through, I could never bring myself to be in attendance for the transformation. I knew if I remained it would only bring back memories too painful for me to relive again. In an attempt to keep Carlisle from thinking me weak, I had always insisted that I didn't want to be in the way. That he could better care for our newest member of the family if I was away. Oh how I wish I had faced my fears and stayed. If not for myself, then for my love that lay cradled in my arms.
“Get Bella inside!” I hear again. This time Carlisle's voice is louder. More insistent. He is right. Or rather the allusion of him in my head is. Maybe my subconscious knows that I am not strong enough to do this on my own. That is why I keep hearing my mentor. Whatever the reason I am great full for the guidance. “Edward, you need to get Bella inside.” The voice commands again. And the voice is right, I can take better care of her once inside. Or at least I can attempt to make her more comfortable. In one quick movement I am on my feet holding Bella firmly against my hard cold chest. Her body is still warm. Technically still human. Still the Bella I know. I close my eyes in concentration, an attempt to permanently etch the sensation of our bodies pressed together into my memory. I take one last deep breath, I want to remember her unique scent too. “Edward.” Carlisle reminding me not to linger. With that, I open my eyes and take a step towards the house. As we near the door I can hear my cell phone buzzing on the kitchen counter. Funny that my vampire hearing hadn't noticed it on the beach. Though I guess I was otherwise distracted. The sound of the phone's vibration against the tile seems both angry and urgent. Only seconds after the buzzing stops it begins again. Alice must have seen what I had done. By now she has most likely told the family and one if not all are currently calling. I enter the house, ignoring the frantic vibration in a hurry to get Bella to our bed.
As I lay her down a small gasp of pain escapes from her lips. It occurs to me that this is the first sound she has made. Strange. I have been told that it is not uncommon for those going through the change to continuously wail in pain. We all have explained the feeling as being consumed by flames. Bella lets out another whimper. Even though my heart is already stone, it aches seeing my love in pain. I must do everything in my power to help her. To ease her pain. Like it was yesterday, I can remember the feeling of my own transformation. The feeling of flames consuming my body as it slowly turned to stone and ice. Here she lay shuttering in pain. “I love you.” I whisper. “I'm sorry. I never meant to do this to you. Hold on. It will all be over soon.”
Suddenly I realize that the buzzing has stopped. As much as it pains me, I leave Bella's side, dashing to retrieve the phone. I know that I must speak to Carlile. He will tell me what to do from here. Unfortunately, I am too late. The continuous calls from my family have worn down the battery. Why had I not just answered the phone when I first heard it ring? I had thought us alone before but now we truly are. Possibly stuck in our own private world for a year. Maybe more. For Bella will be in no state to travel. Certainly not by plane. Maybe if we are lucky she will be able to go without feeding long enough for an ocean voyage, but that could take the better part of a year. I head back upstairs to sit vigil next to Bella.
I begin thinking about what I should tell Bella. For she already knows so much about our kind. I try to think about the frame of mind she will be in. Hunger or rather thirst is the driving force all vampires are governed by their first year. The need to satisfy the urge is so strong that for many it is all consuming. For a lucky few the urge is more manageable. But for most, the first year is a loss. Three hundred and sixty five days encompassed by two actions feed and a paranoid drive to keep ones self alive. I remember my own newborn existence. I would categorize it as the darkest year of my life. Carlisle was always patient with me. He worked had to keep me from the human population. Encouraging me to partake in his “vegetarian” lifestyle. I desperately tried to head Carlisle's teachings, fight my urge to kill. Kill humans that is. Here on the island, far from any humans, I will be able to do the same for Bella. At least we have that going for us. Newborn vampires have notoriously veracious appetites. My only hope is that there is enough prey on the island to sustain the two of us. I had always wondered why Carlisle and Esme ventured here alone. Previously, I had believed it was to getaway from the “children,” most likely that was part of it, but having experienced this place I now know that this paradise could never sustain Emmett's appetite, let alone our entire clan.
Chapter 6:
I continue to sit, watching, waiting. It has been two and a half days since I lost all control and bit Bella, ending her human life. Every time she makes a sound, my body stiffens in the knowledge that this was all my doing. I am the cause of her agony. She looks so helpless laying curled up on the bed. If I could absorb her pain I would. Oh how is wish Jasper was here to send her soothing vibrations. Anything to lessen her hurt. I want nothing more than for her pain to end, but I also worry what that end will bring. Much of our human memory is gone after the change is complete. I worry about what she will remember, and consequently who those memories will make be. I worry about Bella not trusting me, not that I can blame her after what I did. I worry that she will be so angry that she will not except my help. I worry that my momentary lapse in judgment may lead to the destruction of us both. Whatever our fate, there is no going back now. Every time she winces, I verbally keep reminding us both that it will be over soon.
Dawn breaks across the sky. A new day. Or rather, for our kind, another sunrise in a continuous day. Pushing it's way through the sheer curtains, light begins to fill the room. Everything is a bright white. Not your typical setting for this real horror movie playing out. My body glistens in the new morning sun, so does Bella's. In the dark of the night, I had not noticed her features changing. I reach out for her, touching her left hand with mine. Our rings make a small click as they meet. No more do I feel the soft, warm, and inviting flesh that I had loved so. She is now cold like me. Her face more angular than before. Her once soft and supple body now hard as stone. While she is beautiful it is a different kind of beauty.
Softly Bella's porcelain eyes lids begin to flutter, like the wing of a butterfly on a warm summer day.
“Bella.” I say in my usual tone.
Bella winces at the sound of my voice withdrawing her hand from mine. What else could I have expected? She may not want to talk to me, but I know I have to help her. I must rectify what I have done.
“Bella.” I pause momentarily before adding “My love.”
Again she winces. Only this time she brings her hands to her head using them to cover her ears. Of course, I forgot how strange the heightened senses all vampires possess can be at first.
“Bella.” This time I whisper.
Her head turns in my direction. Slowly she attempts opening her eyes.
“Hold on.” I say remembering to whisper. “Let me find something to cover the windows.” In a flash I retreat into the bedroom across the hall returning with a comforter. I hang the heavy blanket as best I can over the windows. Light still manages to peak through the corners, but I am confident that the amount is negligible.
“Bella, try opening your eyes again my love.”
Bella's eyes begin to open. They are a deep crimson. A stark contrast to the white that had just surrounds us. She must be wild with thirst. Yet wild doesn't describe the look I see in her eyes. No, not wild. The look that I see is something altogether different. Bella's eyes are filled with fear. Cautious not to make any sudden moves, I watch as the emotion in her eyes change from fear to puzzlement.
“Bella.” I whisper again and she slowly tilts her head even closer to me.
“It's me, Edward.” I continued softly. “Are you okay? It's all over. Bella please... say something.”
“Edward?” Her voice is both hoarse and musical all that the same time. The new sound obviously bewilders her.
“Oh, Bella.” I gingerly exclaim as I take her hands into mine.
She is now siting. Our eyes meet holding each others gaze. Their is still love therein.
“The pain.” she mutters. Or what passes as muttering for a vampire.
“I know, I'm sorry. I will spend the rest of my life apologizing if that what it takes.” I profess.
“Edward, what happened?”
She is desperate for answers. I can't bring myself to say aloud what I did. I open my mouth, trying to force out an explanation. It is as if my voice has been stolen. I try again, still nothing. Then I hear her sing, “Am I? Am I one of you?”
“Yes Bella, I am so sorry, I never meant for this to happen." Deeply I inhale, "Yes. Yes you are a ... Vampire.”
Chapter 7
Bell seemed surprised she was actually a vampire. While, yes I was vehemently opposed to the idea, what did she think? Did she think I would let her die? Or maybe she thought I had saved her as I had before? I looked up, hoping her expression held the answer. She was no longer looking at me. She was examining her hand in wonder. I moved from her to the window.
“If you think you are ready I will remove the covering from the window so that you may have the full effect?”
“I think so.” She said. Only, the tone in her voice was more convincing than her words.
I began removing the thick bedspread. I started at the far corner in an attempt at easing the transition. Attempt is the operative word, for no sooner had I grabbed hold of the tapestry it came crashing down to the flood. The room was again filled with light. Our bodies aglow. A gasp of surprise came form Bella. I assumed it was the commotion or the unfamiliar sight of her own body sparkling in the sunlight that led to her utterance, but when I turned around I was astonished to see she had a sheet pulled over her. Tightly clutching it just under her neck. As much as I tried, I was unable to stifle my laughter. After all that had transpired the last few days she was worried about her, her modesty. Yes, she was still my Bella.
“Oh darling.” I managed to say between laughs.
Bella did not seem to find the situation humorous. A low growl began to emanate from her.
“Really Bella, it is quite funny if you think about it.” She apparently was not going to think about it. In fact the growl was beginning to grow louder.
“Bella, it's just after all that has happened the thing that you are most concerned with is being in a negligee in front of your husband. A negligee that you yourself put on.” This apparently was not the right thing to say. Bella was now in a low crouching position.
“Bella, I'm sorry. I in no way meant to offend you.” I forgot how touchy newborn vampires could be.
“You are a vision of beauty.” While this is true, I was hoping that her sense of vanity was also overactive. If so this may appease her.
Again I was wrong. Bella's anger had grown. In the blink of an eye she was soaring through the air. She landed on me hard. Not being able to read her mind I had had no idea that attack was coming. Bella continued to swing at me. It was like fighting Emmett. There was no planing behind her actions only brute force. I know I am incapable of overpowering a newborn, but maybe I can out wit one.
I try to get my arms around my angry wife. Maybe the combination of that and me telling her just how much she means to me will calm her. I position myself so that I am standing up straight. I use my added height to gain some leverage and I am able to wrap my army around Bella's upper torso.
I love you, I swear I wasn't laughing at you,” I breathlessly say.
“No, than who were you laughing at? Or were you laughing with me?”
“Ouch,” I exclaim as Bella swirly around pinning me between the wall and her firm body.
There must be another way to distract her from her rage. She is a newborn fixated on an act. It then dawns on me that she is a newborn, a newborn who has yet to drink.
“Bella my love...”
“Don't call me that,” she interrupt.
“Bella I just thought..”
“You just thought what?” Interrupting again.
“I thought that you might be hungry.”
All of a sudden, the attack stops. Bella is no longer couching. In stead she is reaching for her neck. The diversion worked.
“Bella, you mush be parched. Why don't we go outside and hunt.”
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