Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Existence

Written By:Color in a Black-White World
You can read the Original Here:
All Credit Goes to the Original Author

Existence

I actually wrote this piece for a contest in school. It's base on what I think Edward's point of view on Charlie's death in Bella's eyes and a little bit of what life would have been like if he never came back to her after he left in New Moon would have been like. Hope you enjoy! Also from Sunday the 18th to Thursday 22nd of January I am going to be on hiatus due to midterms. Thought I'd let y'all know.

Her feet barely touched the ground as she gracefully walked across the dead grass covered ground. I was amazed by her constant grace with her current state. She was distraught. Her father had died. She was unable to attend the funeral due to her life choices. Her eyes did not draw tears, simply because she couldn’t. But she cried, yes, she did cried. She let out whimpered cries and shook; she shook as if in fear.

I continued to watcher her walk through the maze of headstones to find a newly covered grave. As she reached the grave, I thought about her reaction to me asking her if she would like me to accompany her. She hung her head, still shaking. “No,” she said “this is something I have to do alone. Will you come to the gate with me?” I took her in my arms and kissed her forehead as she continued to shake. I knew it would be difficult for her to go through the gate knowing that no one would be outside of it for her to come back to.

I had arranged for a headstone to be placed earlier than usual, that way she would feel as if he would not be forgotten by all but her. But deep down, she would have known she was wrong, but she was too pessimistic to admit it. She knelt down to put a hand on the black granite headstone and placed the bouquet of white freesia and roses on the loose gravel. I saw her stare at the etching of a picture of her father on the headstone. It was the picture I had taken on her 18th birthday, of her and her father. I heard her start to whimper again.

I couldn’t stay still and watch her suffer. I lifted my foot to walk towards her. I didn’t take one step. “Don’t. I’ll be ready in a minute. I’m fine.” She managed to get out through her whimpering. I did as she requested. I just observed, as she kissed her hand and touched the ground. “Bye Dad, I love you. I’ll come back and visit. I promise.” she murmured. I knew if she was capable tears would have been constantly rolling down her angel-like face. She walked back to me faster than she had gone in, I could tell by the look on her face she couldn’t bear to do it slowly. It was only then it struck me.

Was she like this when I left? Would she soon turn numb the same way she did a few months when I made the biggest mistake of my life? Was I dead to her? IT wasn’t like I thought. It wasn’t like I never existed. It was that in her mind I ceased to exist. She had thought that I had loved her enough to never leave her. Even after I told her that I’d stay only if it was what was best for her. I had never known that she had loved me enough then to think that I was what was in her best interest.

As she became close enough for me to touch, I took her hand. “You okay?” I asked, even thought I knew what her answer was.

“Do you think so?” I was totally her to answer like that.

“I know, love. It will be okay, you’ll be okay.” I wrapped my arm around her. She clung to me, burying herself in my open tweed jacket, as if she was holding onto life, to her existence, itself. I ran my hand through her hair trying to comfort her.

I remember what I had said what to her as I was about to leave her so many months ago, “Time heals all wounds.” But now I wasn’t sure. What would have happened if I never had come back? Would she have been there to see him grow old, be there with him when he died, go to his funeral? The answers all would have been yes. But would have she been happier? That’s the one question I will always ask myself for the rest of my existence.

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