I Want To Die

Written By: Edward Cullen's Girlfriend 101
You can find the original here:
All credit goes to the author

Bella POV

The night Edward said that he didn't want me I wanted to die. Die because I wouldn't see him again. It was all my fault! My fault that I wasn't more careful opening my stupid presents! He was right, I was a magnet for trouble. If only I could go back and change things! I would've been more careful that night! Then today wouldn't of even happened! Edward would be beside me in my bed right now humming my lullaby to me.

When I thought of the lullaby I remembered that the CD, along with the pictures of him had all disappeared when he had left me. Another jolt of pain hit me when I thought of all of the stuff, that I had no longer with me, to remind me of him. To remember his face. Of course, I will remember what he looked like for the rest of my life. I just hope that my whole life will be short. I don't want to live like this! All of this pain everyday! I want to die! Just kill me now! Somebody, please, please take my life away from me! I don't want to live anymore. But then, if I did kill myself, I would be breaking the promise that I had made my angel. I wouldn't hurt myself. That was the promise. To take care of Charlie and myself. Well, now that I think of it, I wish I hadn't made that stupid promise to him.

Perhaps this is all a bad dream like I had the other morning with my grandma in it, that was supposedly to be me. Yes, this is what it is! It's all a nightmare. I'll wake up any second now and Edward will be there. He'll give me a kiss and go home to change clothes and then come back to pick me up for school. That's what will happen. All I have to do is wait patiently for my eyes to open up to the morning air in my room. But this seems realistic. More realistic than the dream about grandma. Was this truly reality?

"It will be as if I never existed."

Those words stabbed into my chest so hard that I had to wrap my arms around my chest. This is really real. The pain feels more real than anything. This is reality.

"It will be as if I never existed," I whispered out loud in my bed. All of the lights were off in my room and I was wrapped up in my comforter with tears rolling down my face.

"It will be as if I never- never- existed!" I told myself breaking down with sobs.

"I don't want you."

More jolts of pain hit me again. This time I couldn't take it. I started crying and yelling.

"Why! Why?! Why did he not want me?!" I started screaming. I guess I wasn't screaming that loud because Charlie didn't come into my room to check on me. I wrapped my arms around my pillow and silently cried myself to sleep with the words, "I don't want you anymore," and the words, "It will be as if I never existed," in my head replaying over and over again...