Jacob and I

Written By: E.Cullen
You can read the original here:
All Credit goes to the original author:

Jacob and I never have awkward silences or awkward moments, but as we lay on the shores of La Push together, the cold stab of cumbersomeness punctured the golden air that brushed my face.

I knew this could all be averted if I just spat it out. But it was such a chagrined question to ask, especially of my Jacob. I sensed that Jacob felt the mortification that was flowing through me freely as well, which only made me more embarrassed the ask the stupid question.

I opened my mouth, but then closed it audibly. On top of it being just a plain humiliating question, I had no idea how to phrase it. Though Jacob was acting as though he hadn’t heard my jaw snap shut, I blushed bright red still, just like my mother always told me she use to.

“Um, J-Jacob?” I stumbled. My voice was shaky, and made me seem a lot more nervous than I knew I was.

“Renesmee?” he replied. He usually called me Nessie, though it irked me sometimes, so I found this a bit strange at first. However, I kept on track.

“How long have y-you known, um, my mom?” My voice was quivering violently, but Jacob paid no attention to it.

“A long time, Ness. Since we were real little kids.”

“No, no I mean how long have you known her.” I didn’t want to substitute any other word for “known,” but when Jacob turned, and gave me his thoroughly puzzled expression, he forced me to finally cough it up, “You know . . . how long have you -” I gulped nervously “- loved her?”

Jacob cleared his throat uneasily, and began stuttering and stumbling as I had. “Renesmee, you know that no matter what happens in the future or what happened in my past, I will always love you. And I do mean anything. Storm clouds can gather over us, and lightning can strike at us, but I will always love you. I first need to let you know this before I can explain.”

“Jacob, I know all of it. You have this idea in your head that I don’t understand that you love me, which isn’t true.”

He sighed. “I just want to let you know how much I love you. That’s the part you don’t understand.”

I laughed. “I do understand.”

“You’re as stubborn as Bella; I’m not going to push it though. Anyway, back to your question . . .”

“Yes?” I prompted.

“Well, your mother moved here when she was seventeen to live with Charlie, your grandfather. It was the first time I’d seen her since the summer we were ten. Immediately, I was attracted her - though it wasn’t the way I’m attracted to you - and we became great friends. The only problem was your father, Edward, was in the way of Bella and I being together. But then he left her for her safety about a year later, and Bella began to come to me, and visit me in La Push, because she had no one else in her life anymore. I fell in love with her, Nessie, I’m not going to lie to you. I was in love with her when she was engaged to Edward. I was in love with her at her wedding. I was in love with her when she was away on her honeymoon, where you were conceived. But I began to fall out of love with her when she was pregnant with you, even though I stayed in a house full of reeking vampires to help her. And when you were born, and I saw your bright, bloody face, I was not in love with Bella anymore. It felt like all my problems had dissolved, and all the frayed strings in my life were tied securely. I can’t imagine surviving now before you. It was so hard before you.”

I secretly loved when Jacob told me these things, and I usually pretended to brush these things off. But this time, I propped myself up on my elbow, and leaned into him. I kissed him. It was a sweet kiss.

“Thank you,” I whispered to his lovely, ruby-red lips, smiling. “I really needed to know all of this.”

He smiled too, and kissed me again. “You aren’t mad?” he whispered back in between soft kisses.

“No.”

We smiled.

And kissed again.

That was the first time.

The rest is left only to us.