Roses

Written By: lilabut
You can read the original here:
All credit goes to the original author

The dim light of the sun surrounded me, it´s warmth like a fading shadow on my skin. It never really reached me nowadays. The light was all I sensed. The beauty it brought with it every time the clouds faded away to grant the earth a glimpse of the unbearable beauty of time. Light, just like most beautiful things, was just a metaphor for time.

Since I had been given all the time this earth had to offer, I saw the beauty so much more than I had when time had been a passing thing to me. Out of reach, out of my control. Just something menacing to me. A phantom, invisible, but still leaving marks. There had been a few things in which it had shown itself. The ticking sound of a clock, a countdown. Both showing the way toward the end. That frightens people. Even though, or maybe because, they don´t know what end they’re afraid of. Who knows what is going to come? Maybe the end, the way they consider it, death, was not really the end at all. Maybe it was just a stop on the way. A way toward something even greater than the life they hold on to so desperately. What if there was something more?

I don´t know. I never did. The only thing I knew for sure was, that I would never know. I had chosen another path. I had been given the choice. A choice which nearly nobody was given. Death, the only way to find out what would follow, or some other form and way of life.

Both had been one-way-tickets. Once chosen, there was no going back.

And here I was, technically old, not marked by the time I never notice. I had chosen the path where time was just a shadow. Something that was present but in no way dark or hostile. It was just there and now that it had no more influence on me, I was finally able to admire the beauty hidden behind the strong mask. Incredibly fair and stunning.

The ground around my feet was covered in a thin layer of snow. It lay on the frozen grass like a blanket, soft and easy. But the warmth radiating from the brilliant rays of sunlight had already started to destroy the picture in front of me. The snow-covered trees, carrying no leafs, granting me a view way beyond my normal reach, the icicles which gracefully hang from the roof of my home, the million sparkles of light which hovered over the snow blanket, looking rather similar to my own white skin now that the sunlight touched me, the ice-covered pond, sparkling just as much if not more, now an icy cage for all kinds of life hidden in it.

I saw the snow melting. Slowly, fighting against the warmth, trying to keep it´s own beauty alive. But it was forfeited. The sun, with all it´s power and might, would finally destroy it after all. And the snow would surrender. As always.

But I wouldn’t. I would stand here, for the rest of time, if necessary. There was no way the sun could harm me. The sun, or time. I was as frozen as the snow by my feet. Frozen in a world next to the one I had left behind so many years ago. I watched it from outside, knowing that I would never see it from inside again.

Sometimes that thought caused me sadness. But then I realized just how much more I had right now. I might never be able to find out what could have followed my natural path, but I had won a different one. One in which I was able to see true beauty. And every time I did see it, it made me feel content.

My back and head rested against the rough stone wall behind me, my arms hanging lifelessly next to my stiff body. I hadn’t moved an inch for what seemed like a decade to me, even though it had probably been just a few hours. My breath, though just an unnecessary habit, was slow and even.

If the house didn’t stand in the depths of the forest and somebody had crossed my way, the only thing that would probably have caught that visitors attention was my rather unconventional way of dressing. Or better, inappropriate, considering the season.

My thin, black blouse was a heavy contrast to my pale skin. Along with my short jeans and my bare feet, it was something people in this area barely ever wore. The weather just didn’t allow it, even in summer. For neither cold nor heat had any influence on me, I never paid attention to my clothes when I avoided the public’s eyes.

I sighed. It was my first sign of conciseness ever since I left the house because its walls practically screamed at me. Reflecting my loneliness. Because right now, I felt alone.

The very best part of my existence was away. Far away. The last month had been cruel and unusually cold. I’d spent my days helping Rosalie and Esme buying furniture for their latest “project”. They had bought a house from the eighteenth century and were now restoring it completely. Normally I really liked helping them with their little obsession, but I just couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it now that I knew for sure, Edward would not be waiting for me at home. His smell would only linger on every item in the house, unpleasantly reminding me of him, but it would not be real and present. His voice would not fill my ears, nobody would play my old lullaby to me, my eyes would not see his perfect face, his loving eyes.

So I spent my nights alone. Sometimes sitting perfectly still, letting my mind work on his own, recalling old memories. And sometimes I took out all the photo albums. Thousands of pictures filled them and each one made me smile in a different way…

Our wedding, one of those memories covered by the clouds of my human senses. But still, it was alive and cheery. My old face weakly smiled at me now, my weak body clinging at Edward whose eyes were lovingly fixed on me. There was a slight bit of pride inside them, too.

Behind the two of us were various members of our family. None of them seemed to pay attention to the camera Emmett had insisted on.

I saw a hint of Esmes caramel coloured hair next to Carlisle’s shoulder. Rosalie leaned against a table in the back, staring at some distant point, lost in her thoughts. Probably Emmett had just taken the picture of Edward and me as an excuse to bicker his wife with her unwilling appearance later.

I saw Tanya, as well. My smile slightly fainted at the sight of her strawberry blonde hair. After all the confusion that had follow that happy day, I had really started to like Tanya. My former jealousy had vanished, knowing that Edward would always belong to me, and only me. But after some complications within her own coven, and since my family had moved to this place, there had been no contact with our beloved Denali friends. They were fine, though. I knew it. They were part of my family, too and I just felt they were okay.

My eyes lingered on Edwards arm, which was tightly wrapped around my waist. I sighed. Longing grew inside me and I lifted my hand to my face, eying the beautiful ring around my finger. Seeing it both in the picture and in reality gave the whole thing a realness, which calmed me down and once again assured me, that Edward would return.

Ever since the darkest months of my life, when Edward had left me the first time, almost a century ago, he had never left my side longer than necessary. We both couldn’t bear it.

During those empty months, I had been scared to forget. I desperately wanted to keep his memories close and real, though it caused me pain. But as Edward had said it then, my human memory was everything but lasting. This was different now. I would never forget anything. I would always know how very real everything was. He would return, because he was bound to me as I was bound to him.

I slowly dropped my hand. My eyes fixed on the picture again and pain suddenly burst in my stomach. There was only one person in the picture except Edward and me who really paid attention to Emmett’s photographical ambitions. Seth Clearwater, youthful and happy as always, smiled into the camera, partly hiding behind something huge I couldn’t quite define.

It was the first time in a long time that I saw him again. I never took out the pictures, because normally, I had better things to do.

Seth had always been a child to my eyes, my little Seth. My little brother, in so many ways.

The last time I had seen him in person had been almost fifty years ago. All the years before, he had visited us all over the world as often as he could. But then, he had imprinted. He had been the last one from the old, my old La Push pack, who found their soul mate that way.

Fiona, in so many ways one of the most adorable girls I had met. Fiona, who in so many ways reminded me of Emily Young. Emily, whom I’d never seen again after my family left Forks, a few months after the Volturi had left. Emily. I always had to smile when she crossed my mind. Seth had told me once that she and Sam, who had passed on his position as an Alpha, had had three children over the years. They must have been happy, I knew it.

Fiona was just as caring and warm as Emily had once been and I immediately felt how open-minded and special she was. Seth had told us his decision while we were living in Peru.

It had been the last time I’d seen him. He had said that his time was over now. The wolf inside of him was about to rest. Find peace, in some other place.

It been hard for me to tell Seth goodbye, but it had been even harder for Jacob. Because for him, Seth really was a brother.

But I knew how happy Seth must have been.

I smiled again, turning the page…

For several hours my daughters face was laughing and smiling at me from the countless pictures covering the pages. Nessie after she born.

Nessie wearing every single dress Rosalie and Alice had bought her.

Nessie playing peek-a-boo with Seth.

Nessie sleeping in Edwards lap.

Nessie playing with her long hair.

Nessie sitting on Jacobs shoulders.

Nessie and me in front of a Christmas tree.

Nessie swimming on Isle Esme.

My little baby grew older and bigger with every page I turned and as the years passed quickly in front of my eyes, the pictures changed.

Nessie at her first graduation.

Nessie as a bridesmaid for another one of Rosalie and Emmett’s weddings. And one of my favorite pictures.

Nessie sitting on Jacobs lap, leaning against his chest. This had been Emmett’s work again, because it was obvious that he actually meant to freeze something else than the two of them in a picture. It was Edwards face, almost hidden inside the house. There was no anger or anything close to that in his expression. But there was concern. And a weak smile which made his face look slightly absurd.

I laughed, knowing how much he had always tried to pretend his appreciation for Nessie and Jacobs growing relationship. But he never really got over it.

There was their wedding.

There were random pictures of our family, but all of them stuck to another memory. And each one was precious to me.

Each one in a very different way.

But there were also those memories which were not documented. They only existed in my head now.

My childhood.

My human family.

The time I moved to Forks, the time my life had changed to dramatically.

The moment I first saw Edward, the first time I heard his voice.

The feeling of his skin, once so cool to me.

All the happy times we had, the cruel months without him and the warmth Jacob had given me.

Our reunion and the fights we had to endure.

Some of those blurry memories hurt me. Thinking of my Mum and Dad still kept burning me. The way I had felt when I had secretly attended their funerals, hidden, disguised. Not able to cry a single tear for them.

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A distant sound ripped me out of my thoughts and I fixed my eyes on the forest. For a few seconds I saw nothing, only heard the sound of something moving fast. Then a sparkle appeared at the point where a distant line marked my horizon. The sparkle grew and I thanked the sun for shining today.

I moved, straightening my body, shaking my head slightly to free my face of some strands of my hair.

The sound grew louder, the sparkle started to shape and a faint, familiar smell filled my nose.

When the sparkle finally took over the shape of a body, I made a step toward the trees, feeling the snow underneath my feet.

I listened. He slowed down, I heard it. Excitement grew inside me and I felt the loneliness behind me disappear with every second that passed and brought my other half closer to me.

When I was able to make out Edwards face, I started to run. I wasn’t as fast as he was, but I was fast enough to reach him within a few seconds.

The crooked smile was spread across his face, the same longing in his golden eyes that filled my every nerve. He dropped his bag somewhere next to a fallen tree and stopped.

I did the same.

There was a metre between us now and we just looked at each other. His smile faded, but it didn’t leave his eyes.

“Bella.”

It was a whisper, lower than that. Just for my ears. For my heart. His arms reached for me and I hesitated not for one second. I mirrored his action, taking his hand in mine.

When I felt him again, his skin, my real Edward, I felt whole again. Complete. My feet acted without my control and stepped toward him, closing the distance between us.

Edwards arms wrapped around me and pressed me against his hard chest. I laid my head against his shoulder, inhaling his scent with my eyes closed. My right hand rested behind his back while my left hand softly caressed his neck.

“Bella.”

This time his voice was slightly louder and I felt paralysed by his breath against my ear and when his fingers drew small circles on my back.

I pulled myself out of our embrace, never letting go of him. My mouth opened to speak, but before I could even think about the right words to say, Edwards finger pressed gently against my lips.

“I love you.”

For the tiniest fragment of a second there was nothing but the low voices in the forest around us, our slow breathing, the touch of our skin and the echo of Edwards voice in my head.

Than our lips met in a passionate kiss and I desperately grasped Edwards arms in an attempt to keep myself standing.

Thoughts crossed my mind about how I survived the last month without him. This was the very best part of my life. He was the reason for my choice, had always been.

My heart had beat for him, and so it had stopped beating just for him. There had never been any other meaning. This was all that count.

We parted and I took a deep breath. Our faces were just inches apart and I looked deep inside Edwards eyes. He was smiling again.

“I love you, too.”

“I knew that.”

“Hey.”

I punched him gently into his chest and we both laughed. This was it. I was back because he had returned. My life.

“How was Africa? Found anyone?”

“You’re being mean, again.”

“No, I am seriously interested.” I grinned.

Edwards latest obsession in finding an old vampire coven somewhere in North Africa had amused me for months. The image of some sparkling vampires lying under the burning sun of the Sahara was always rather silly than interesting to me. Unfortunately Alice and Emmett shared Edwards new “hobby” and when they decided to go to Egypt for research, they had been absolutely fevered.

Carlisle had been on their side, but not able to join them, for which Esme had been grateful. Rosalie supported Emmett in everything he did, but I saw how much it cost her to let him go, just like it did for me.

Alice and Jasper found their own way of being separated. Jasper simply travelled on his own for a while, too. He probably visited Peter and Charlotte somewhere, but I wasn’t sure.

Nessie and Jacob had joined Edward, Emmett and Alice not because of their interest, in fact they both shared my attitude, but rather as a nice trip. They’d never been in Egypt before.

Edward raised his eyebrows when he answered me.

“We didn’t find anything. Well, not what we were looking for.”

I softly stroke my thumb against Edwards cheek, the grin still on my face.

“Did Nessie like it?”

Suddenly Edward burst into laughter and a bewildered look spread across my face.

“What?”

“She hated it. Believe it or not, she is afraid of Mummies.”

A few seconds passed, then the image appeared in my head and I laughed, too and fell against Edwards chest. He wrapped his arms around me again and fondly stroke my hair.

When our joined laughter faded away into silence I lifted my lips to his ear.

“I missed you.”

Edward kissed my head and we remained still for a long time.

“I got you something. Well, two things.”

I groaned.

“Edward”

“Wait until you see it.”

I moved back and gave him a severe look. But he ignored me and walked back to where he had dropped his bag. Kneeling next to it, he pulled something out, hiding it from my view. But there was a new scent in the air and I knew what it was even before Edward turned around again.

The single red rose was as much a contrast to it´s surrounding as my blouse and skin. The deep red looked otherworldly compared to the greyish, snow-covered forest.

The snow, just like a metaphor for mine and Edwards skin. And the rose, so much brighter. Full of live.

I smiled again and imagined a happy tear dripping down my cheek…