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POV: Alice
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“She doesn't know the word 'impossible.' Don't care where I've been and doesn't care where we're goin' to. She takes me as I am, and that ain't easy. She's beautiful. So beautiful. And sometimes I think she's truly crazy… and I love it” – Pat Monohan “Her Eyes”
I hated how everyone always got it all wrong. Hated the look in his eyes when he guessed their thoughts or felt their sneaking suspicions about us. Hated the stupidity of their thoughts and their inability to look beyond that which was most obvious. But most of all, I hated his own beliefs about us.
We both knew the fleeting suspicions of others. The naïve beliefs of these simplistic humans generally tended to amuse us – nothing was more hilarious then listening to Edward share with us the latest gossip on the Cullen clan – but today I could tell it weighed heavily on my husband, there was more to his pained look than his usual attempt to control his bloodlust. Today he was distraught, and waves of his uncertainty mixed with pain washed over me as he shifted in his seat next to me.
“Jazzy?” I queried, my eyes never moving from our history professor’s face, but my heart and mind were solely for him. “What…”
I never had to finish my questions when it came to talking with him. Jasper always understood. Always comprehended. Whether it was from his astounding ability or from the bond we shared, or perhaps a complex mixture of both, our conversations could always remain practically silent or half-formed as we both understood what the other needed or wanted to say before any words were actually spoken. Our relationship was not like Rose and Emmett’s, or Carlisle and Esme’s; it was complicated and unique, rather like our own strange abilities. We were a novelty among our kind and our love was a novelty among all other loves, stronger than Romeo and Juliett’s and certainly more lasting.
His blond tresses covered his troubled dark eyes as they flicked towards me almost imperceptively before he returned his attention (or so it appeared) to the teacher’s monotonous lecture once more. The crescent scars on his cheek tightened as he squared his jaw in a gesture of annoyance before he, tight-lipped, replied, “Nothing you should concern yourself with Alice. Now pay attention, you wouldn’t want to miss out on learning all about the major causes of the Great Depression.”
I snorted, a rather unladylike and unusual gesture for me, and trilled back, “Oh believe me, I know all about the Great Despression. I am NOT likely to forget about the one time when shopping was almost impossible to come by. Now what I am concerned with right now is what is causing my Jasper’s great depression?”
A slight loosening of his jaw alerted me to the effectiveness of my pathetic pun as he relaxed slightly, but his fists began to clench than unclench a sure sign of his irritation.
A sigh of impatience escaped and I counted to three in order to restrain myself from beating him out of his silly mood. “Jazz… just tell me what it is “
I could feel his guard slipping; his reluctance to share with me his own pain was giving away. I smiled in anticipation of finally figuring out what it was that had him in such a slump when…
“How could you?”
I recognized my voice as it dripped heavily with anger and malice. I was shocked to see that I was yelling at Edward, my dearest and most favorite brother. What had he done to deserve this…
The image flipped again and a new future shot up.
“Jazz. Jazz. Jazz…” I was holding my love now, his platinum blonde locks fanned over my thighs and his face a picture of content as I slowly stroked his features again and again, tracing each and every scar on his beautiful face.
More images assaulted me, but these frames were so quick that not even my vampiric reflexes could comprehend them. A chair, something gold, a rush of euphoria, the smell of rose blossoms…
I kept my face carefully controlled as I came to, not wanting to alert those around me. Humans were not very observant as a whole, but we had underestimated them before (in the case of Bella and a few other’s) and I wasn’t about to take that chance again. Inside I was shaking, confused and scared, but outwardly I was simply bored in class, just another student like all my fellow classmates.
My shaky foundation was instantly soothed by his calming aura. Every time I had a vision it was like this. It was always so… terrifying to have an out-of-body experience like this. Seeing the future was not like seeing your past. Things changed so rapidly that it was almost like sitting in a room with a movie running in front of you on permanent fast forward. If they would slow down and let me really see - if my visions weren’t always so damn cryptic - if having a gift like this hadn’t cost me so much in the long run… maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. You’d think I would have gotten used to the feeling of it by now, but it appeared I would never.
Jasper was always here for me when I got back, which was always what got me through. I smiled, forgetting the indecipherable future that awaited us as I basked in his masculine features. He was so perfect, so unbelievably right for me…
“It was Edward…” He muttered. Huh? Edward… what… my mind took a 16th of a second to catch up before I recalled that he had been about to reveal the cause of his distress before my visions had caught up with me. “We got in a fight last period about...” here he snuck a guilty side-glance at me as I stared at him, purposefully ignoring the still-lecturing teacher, “… love. I said some things I shouldn’t have about him and Bella and he, uh, targeted our relationship in return. It was all very childish. I shouldn’t have taken it so personally.”
I continued staring at him, mulling over his words, before I prompted him to continue, “But you did…”
He huffed, finally turning to face me fully, giving me the glimpse of his chiseled and breathtaking features – God I loved this man – and replying, “He said that our relationship was too one-sided. He said… he said… that I needed you more than you needed me.”
My breath caught in my throat. Not that I needed to breathe anyways, but the shock of Edward ever making such a ridiculous assumption was enough to shatter my façade. “HE WHAT!?!?”
All activity in the classroom ceased, several students starting from their daydreams and one or two leaping up from real dreams, at the sound of my shrill tone.
“Oops.” I muttered, catching the professor’s disapproving glare as he turned his back from the board in order to reprimand me.
“Ms. Cullen, is there something you would like to share with the class?” the comical bob of his mustache completely ruined the intimidating effect he was attempting to give off, but I quelled my laughter and prepared to give the performance of my life in order to get out of this one.
“Oh! I am so infinitely sorry Mr. Cadswack. I only just now comprehended the vast implications of the actions of those in charge of the Stock Market during the time period. I can’t believe that they could… that they could display such greed. It is so disturbing!”
He blinked, his moustache still quivering, but in a slightly less agitated manner, before he finally replied, “Just keep your amazement…” he raised his eyebrows at this, but I could tell he had accepted my flimsy excuse, “to yourself from now on.”
“Yessir Mr. Cadswack. Most certainly. I apologize that I got so carried away.” I flattered him by batting my eyelashes and flashing my flawless smile his way. However, the instant he gave in and turned his back to me my face fell back into a frown and I whirled back to my husband, demanding answers of him with my eyes.
He was smiling crookedly, obviously amused at my performance, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes and I could still feel his own troubled emotions as they overflowed from his own consciousness and seeped out into the world.
“Like I said, it was a childish argument. We both were foolish.” He mumbled, taking my hand in his as he attempted to calm me from my fury.
“Edward had no right,” I fumed, “to say such a thing. I don’t care what you said about him or Bella.”
“Perhaps he did, or perhaps he didn’t.” Jasper turned away, still holding my small hand clasped in his. I could hear the finality in his tone, his reluctance to continue with the conversation, but I was not finished yet. I knew now why he was so upset and it infuriated me to no end. Why did people always make that assumption? Why did they always think that our relationship was an endless line of him needing me and me simply loving him despite all his faults. Sure he wasn’t perfect but neither was I! I need him just as much as he supposedly “needed” me. I was tired of this nonsense. It was time to put a stop to it. Right now.
“Jasper Whitlock. Look at me.” I demanded, flicking my hair out of my eyes so I could see him clearer. His eyes were guarded as were his emotions, none of them leaked out to affect me and as a result I couldn’t tell exactly what effect my next few words would have, “Don’t you EVER… I repeat, EVER… believe that. How could you? After everything…” our kind was made to be perfect, but even we faltered every now and then and I could feel my own voice faltering as I struggled to come up with the right words to explain just how desperately I needed him. The mere thought of life without him filled me with a despair so deep that even my cold dead heart felt pain.
“Alice…” he whispered, his voice dipping back into the southern accent he used to have as he also struggled to assuage my own grief.
“I’m not finished.” I regained my momentum and let the words flow naturally, like they were supposed to, “I love you. I know what they think and I know it seems like sometimes we are one-sided, especially when we spend every day working on YOUR problems with resisting or forgetting the past or whatever it is that is assaulting your always-troubled mind, but it is not like that. I help you because I love you and because I need you around because without you I wouldn’t be able to survive. You were the only thing - the first thing - that got me through my newborn years. You helped me become who I am today and you weren’t even there in person! Even as an idea, as an intangible dream, you were so vital to my life. I help you now to make up for those days when I was lost and all that I had was a vision of your face. I help you now because you have loved me for who I am, which is more than anyone has ever done for me. Don’t you dare say our love is one-sided. Don’t you dare say I don’t need you. How could you ever think that? What can I do to prove…”
“Nothing more. You have nothing more to prove.” He insisted, his onyx eyes locked on my own as he spoke, “It’s just… I sometimes wonder how you can care so much. Why you care so much. You have given me more than I could ever give to you. What have I done to deserve your love? How can I make it seem like it’s me comforting you and not you helping me all the time?”
I shook my head mournfully, would he never get it? He didn’t have to do anything. He was so indescribably perfect as he was. I loved him as he was. Sure, he could be better at resisting the bloodlust, but he was doing such a fantastic job with that as it was. Sure, he could have more faith in himself, but he was Jasper and Jasper would never be able to be certain of his every action. His self-consciousness was a result of his troubled past, a past I would have done anything to take away from him and a past which was regretfully fraught with pain and peril. However, it was the path that brought him to me so I could only hate it so much before I would turn around and silently thank the God who guided him from it and brought him to that small diner in Philadelphia.
“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” I questioned, my hand reaching up to cup his face. I had been resisting touching him for an hour but now it was too much. I wanted to hold him so badly, to take away his pain with a few kisses and a hug, but I couldn’t right now and it was killing me. “You are so perfect, in every way. No one notices when you help me because you’re the only one I would ever show my pain to. You are not such a coward… you will not and cannot hide your true face and your true feelings from the world. Your pain is obvious, mine is only behind closed doors. When I succumb to the visions, you are always there for me when I finally snap out of it. When I get too melancholy or fail to find clues to my past you are always there to help me. You are my encouragement and my main support. Without you I would fall and probably never rise again. I… words fail to describe how much you truly mean to me.”
A radiant feeling of completeness, of joy beyond comprehending, and of love overwhelmed me. I beamed, knowing the cause of that intoxicating emotion was my own husband as he let his emotions (as always) get the better of him. Students shifted restlessly in their seats as they too were swept up in the euphoria and I stifled a giggle as couples began to give each other goo-goo eyes from across the room. “Jazz… you might want to let up. The teenage hormones might get out of control.”
He glanced around at his handiwork before shrugging and smiling mischievously. I had only a tenth of a second before a stab of lust hit me like a brick and I crossed my legs and wiggled uncomfortably in my hard chair. Our peer’s reactions were far more comical. Guys all tried to cover their erections, notebooks coming down to rest over their crotches as they pretended to be organizing their stuff or taking notes. Girls fluffed their hair and began staring around. One rather alarming individual was even glancing at Mr. Cadswack flirtatiously from behind a shock of curly blonde hair.
The bell chose that moment to ring and I let out a whoop of laughter before I launched myself at Japser, latching my petite arms around his middle and kissing him on the cheek. “I love you Jazz. Don’t you ever forget it or doubt it.”
“I need you Alice, more than I need this useless heart of mine.” He grinned down at me as I refused to let go of him, holding him tightly to me despite the audience I’m sure were amassing.
“I know. Now let’s get going. I have some lecturing to do with Edward before we can spend a romantic night reassuring each other of our love.” With a lusty wink (apparently his ability had still not worn off yet… or maybe it had…) I danced of down the hall with my love right next to me.
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