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It was a dark and stormy night... Alice Cullen was sitting on the Cullen's front porch, staring at the rain falling down all around her. A fork of lightning flashed, and she sighed. She was bored. Jasper, Emmett, Edward, and Carlisle were all out hunting. Bella was away somewhere, cooing at Renesmee, and Rosalie and Esme were buying groceries. Ever since Jacob had started visiting regularly, there'd been a strong nessecity to buy food... and air freshner. There was nothing to do, really. Being a vampire got so dull... There was another clap of thunder. Alice stared up at the sky, having had a sudden, and violent wish to fly.
"If only vampires could really turn into bats..." she grumbled. There was nothing to foresee, nothing to do. Life had fallen into a dull peace. The worst kind of dull peace there was. Every day they measured Nessie, perhaps went to see Charlie, bantered a bit with Jacob, tormented Jasper, and tried unsucessfully to make Bella wear something she'd picked out. It was a monotonous routine, and one that she wanted desperately to break... but how? Get the whole family to participate in a skit? ... Not likely. Simply kiss Jasper for a while? ... He was hunting. Play... Truth or Dare? Before she could get excited, however, she remembered the last time they'd so unwisely chosen to play.
"ALICE! Truth or Dare!?" Rosalie hissed. She stiffened, a wide smile playing across her face.
"Dare." She said fearlessly.
"I dare you to... burn all the clothing that you've purchased in the past three days." Alice gaped at her, hatred suddenly pounding through her veins...
Alice grimaced, and shuddered at the memory of the ashes coating her skin. Why not give Bella a makeover? No... That involved too much begging and pleading, since she couldn't force her to sit still now that she was a vampire... She didn't need one anymore, anyway... Repaint the living room? Terrorize the nearby squirrels? Ooh! Try uselessly to talk to Leah Clearwater!? She sighed again, as the pointless possibilities flowed through her mind like a river. The werewolves should be asleep right now, anyway... Edward. What was he doing? Esme? Maybe she should repaint the living room... It began raining harder, droplets bouncing onto her as they rebounded off the porch steps. Alice sighed yet again. She didn't want to have to wash this... might as well go inside.
Stepping into the house, a flash of blue light caught her eye. She turned to look at the source- a light green laptop, sitting there, abandoned, on the kitchen counter... She grinned abruptly, and threw herself onto the couch, grabbing the laptop on the way.
A dim light filled the Cullen's first floor as she opened it. Her hands hovered over the keyboard, unsure of what to type... a password was required. This was Edward's computer. Alice furrowed her brow, trying to concentrate... she closed her eyes... a hazy vision played behind her eyelids. Edward sitting here, pressing... VampireFrogsLoveNessie. She opened her eyes, slightly taken aback. What the hell was that about? She shrugged. It didn't matter anyway, so she typed in the password. The first thing that came up was a link to a classical music website. She chuckled, and looked at the internet homepage. A link to... instant messaging? She clicked on it quickly.
Log-In... she needed a password again. Instead of wasting effort, she simply made a new account with a flourish.
TinkerBella
Wait... TinkerBella? The A was meant for Alice, but now it looked like Bella's account... she erased it.
PixieGirl
That was better... Or should it be PixieLady? Nah... that sounded too old. She was only seventeen, technically. She logged on, and carefully scrolled through random conversations until one caught her eye...
Moony: No, seriously, though. I really DO think I should!
Murky: Ew... No. No matter how many times you tell me that you're 'male-model' material, I'm still going to say the same thing, Jacob!
Moony: But Leah! It's TRUE. You've seen me before, admit it.
Murky: I know I have, and I keep trying to forget about it... JACOB. Step away from the shovel. Get AWAY! AUGH! CRAZY WOLF WITH A SHOVEL! CRAZY WOLF WITH A SHOVEL!
Moony: You've earned this! TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!
Murky: I'M NOT A MAN, DAMMIT!
Moony: MWAHAHAHAHA!
PixieGirl: Oi... you wolves ARE weird...
Moony: ...
Murky: ...
Moony: PixieGirl... a Cullen, right?
PixieGirl: Yes, a Cullen...
Murky: The only one who could be a pixie is the shrimpy one. What's-Her-Name.
PixieGirl: Excuse me?
Moony: Alice, isn't it?
PixieGirl: Yes. Thank you for troubling to remember my name when you visit my home every day.
Moony: Why have you joined us today, Dear Little Friend? You're not normally on here, even though everyone else is...
PixieGirl: ?
Murky: It's not that hard, leech... the rest of the Cullens all have accounts... not that they're on my normal contacts, but...
Moony: Now, now, let's not be too... rude, Leah, dearest.
Murky: Shut up.
PixieGirl: Where do YOUR names come from anyway!? I mean... Murky!? Moony!? What the heck is THAT supposed to mean!?
Moony: Now, now... don't lose your temper on us, Alice Cullen.
Murky: Like... the opposite of CLEAR. Murky. Like... Clearwater, you know?
Moony: I'm just desperately in love with Remus Lupin.
PixieGirl: ... What, from Harry Potter?
Moony: Yes.
PixieGirl: ... You strange, strange little boy...
TheFriendlyGhost: Alice!?
PixieGirl: Yes? And who are YOU?
TheFriendlyGhost: What are you doing here!?
PixieGirl: Curing my boredom as... wait... if you're Casper... JASPER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? I thought you were hunting!
TheFriendlyGhost: We, um, stopped to... rest at Tanya's place in Denali.
PixieGirl: ... And you... DIDN'T invite me!?
TheFriendlyGhost: Edward wouldn't let me!
PixieGirl: Edward's there too? Oh, well, I guess I'll just go on and tell Bella...
TheFriendlyGhost: !? No, Alice! DON'T-
NotAlbino: ... Jasper?
TheFriendlyGhost: Hello, Bella.
NotAlbino: Could you please tell Edward to log on?
TheFriendlyGhost: I would, but Tanya's on one computer, Emmett's surfing porn on another, and that's all there is because Edward left HIS at home!
RedRose: Emmett's doing WHAT!?
TheFriendlyGhost: Kidding, Rosalie! I was KIDDING! What've you been doing, anyway, just watching the werewolves talk for the past... hour, about whether Jacob's smexy or not?
RedRose: I was already laughing, but then YOU came into the conversation...
Murky: You were spying on us, bloodsucker!?
RedRose: Anyone can 'spy' on you, Murky.
Moony: Now, now, let's not get our panties in a knot.
PixieGirl: Excuse me?
NotAlbino: Jacob, now is NOT the time.
Moony: What the hell!? I started this conversation anyway! You all just butted in rudely!
MoonyFollower: I second Jacob!
Murky: Oh, go AWAY, Seth!
MoonyFollower: Why don't YOU go away, Leah!?
Murky: Because I'm automatically better than you, twerp!
TheBigOne: What have I missed? Hi, Rose!
RedRose: Hello... Emmett.
TheBigOne: ... Why do you seem suspicious?
RedRose: Oh... no reason. I'm checking you computer's history when you get back.
TheFriendlyGhost: I was KIDDING, Rose!
RedRose: I. Don't. Care.
[Blondie has signed in]
Blondie: Hello!
Moony: ...
Murky: ...
MoonyFollower: ...
NotAlbino: ... Hello, Tanya. Is Edward there?
Blondie: Would you like me to let him use my computer?
NotAlbino: Would you? Thanks!
Blondie: ... Okay...
[Blondie has signed out]
MindReader: Did you need something, love?
Moony: Woah there, Eddie-poo... You KNOW it makes me blush when you call me that!
MindReader: ...
MoonyFollower: :D
MindReader: ... ANYWAY... Bella?
NotAlbino: Why would you go off to Denali without telling me!?
PixieGirl: Or inviting me!
RedRose: Or ME!
Murky: Or telling ME, so I could break into your fridge while you were away!
Moony: That was actually pretty good, Lee-Lee! :D
Murky: Call me that again, and I'll rip your throat out.
NotAlbino: Esme says "Leah, dear, you're welcome to our fridge at any time, just so you know that."
Murky: ... I was KIDDING, Mrs. Cullen. I actually DO have a house, WITH a fridge available...
RedRose: So does the dog you all call 'Jacob,' but HE always eats at our place.
Moony: My house is Paul-Infested.
Murky: Pity him, dammit! He has PAUL at his place!
NotAlbino: Why doesn't he eat at your house, then?
Murky: I'm his Beta, not his damn cook.
Moony: Why can't you be both, Leah?
Murky: I'm going to kill you...
NotAlbino: Renesmee would like me to tell you, Leah, not to kill Jacob. She says it would make her very depressed.
Murky: Why the hell should I care!?
Moony: That's so very kind of you, Nessie! (Make sure you relay that to her in an overly-done British accent) But shouldn't she be asleep!? She has to get enough rest, you know, Bella. She's not DEAD, like YOU. Tell her to go to bed, or I'll come at her with a Tickle-Attack!
Murky: ...
NotAlbino: I am her mother, Jacob, I know damn well how to take care of her, so stop lecturing me about her needs!
Moony: Geez! I was only offering a suggestion! You don't need to snap at me every time I take an interest in Nessie's life!
MindReader: Well, she'd ALWAYS be snapping at you then, you nosy dog.
RedRose: Tell Nessie that I'll do her hair in the braid that she likes if she goes to bed!
NotAlbino: I'm not bribing or threatening her, thank you very much! She's asleep now, anyway.
MindReader: Kiss her forehead for me, won't you, love?
NotAlbino: Of course.
TheBigOne: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we GET it! You all LOVE her! Now let's go back to the subject of whether or not Jacob is smexy, I got loads of nmaterial for that!
NotAlbino: WELL then! BE insensitive!
Murky: :D I agree with TheBrainlessOne! Let's go back a few subjects!
TheBigOne: THANK you, Leah... hey! That was uncalled for.
PixieGirl: It was funny, though.
Moony: Again... not bad, not bad at all, Murky.
Murky: I'd say he's a... six and a half on a scale of one to ten.
Moony: !?
NotAlbino: His rating went up when he became a werewolf, though. You know, the muscle...
PixieGirl: I'd have marked him a two before his first morph...
RedRose: He's got potential, if he lets his hair grow out again.
Murky: That's inconvenient for wolves, though.
PixieGirl: SACRIFICES MUST BE MADE FOR LOOKS!
TheBigOne: He's hot alright. I mean... he might even give JASPER a run for his money! Not me, though. Or Edward. Or anyone else, really. But I always thought Jasper was the least appealing.
Moony: -Blushes- You DO!? Thanks, man!
TheFriendlyGhost: ... What the hell?
PixieGirl: I find him to have a 'dangerous' look, and he's really a very good kisser! If you have a problem with my Jasper, EMMETT, I suggest you think twice before commenting! And I always thought your curly hair was girly!
RedRose: Watch it, PixieGirl. Emmett's my man, and therefore, I will defend him.
PixieGirl: Bring it on, Blondie!
NotAlbino: What are you talking about, is Tanya back?
Moony: No, see, Rosalie was Blondie before Tanya was Blondie. And Edward would be gone if Tanya was here. So... really, we all have a catfight to look forward to.
Murky: Then again, Jake... I'd have to say your ego makes your score drop to a four.
Moony: YOUR score would be a two!
TheBigOne: It would be a nine, and you KNOW it, pup.
Murky: ... Thank... you?
RedRose: What would I be, Emmett?
Moony: Oooooooooh... pressure's ON, leech! Gonna impress you leech lady!?
Murky: Oooooooooooh...
RedRose: ...
TheBigOne: Easy-Peasy, Rose! You'd be a ten!
RedRose: ...
Murky: ONLY a ten!? Damn, men know NOTHING!
Moony: Well what was he supposed to say!? Eleven!?
Murky: He should've said, "Rose, you're too far on the scale for me to comprehend."
TheBigOne: But that sounds like I think she's gaining weight!
RedRose: DO you now, Emmett!?
TheBigOne: NO! You're perfect, Rose, I love you!
RedRose: ...
Murky: SOMEONE screwed up badly...
NotAlbino: Edward would never do that.
RedRose: PSH! Edward waited 'till MARRIAGE, Bella! That automatically puts him in DEAD last on the most appealing list!
PixieGirl: True, you bring up a very good point, Rosalie.
TheFriendlyGhost: Am I first?
Moony: It's you, me, Emmett, Edward, and Jasper competing, isn't it?
TheFriendlyGhost: Yes...
Murky: Well, that just about sums it up! I say that it goes Jacob (purely because YOU don't smell disgusting, don't get your hopes up), Jasper (he has cool hair), Emmett (TheBigOne), and lastly Edward.
MindReader: Last!?
NotAlbino: You're first to me, and half the girls at school, Edward.
Murky: Brainless people, basically.
Moony: Gee, Leah. Are you SURE you aren't crushing on me? ;)
Murky: ... I've just expressed the desire to kill you TWICE, Mighty Alpha. I think it's safe to say that I'm physically attracted to you. Just something about your sweaty, copper skin, black eyes, and muscles...
Moony: ...
Murky: ... Makes me want to throttle you until your eyes roll upwards and out of sight, and laugh at the knowledge that I caused your death at the funeral.
Moony: I always knew you loved me.
Murky: No... that's not it. I have a passion for you. A deep, burning, ACHING hatred.
Moony: That's what I'm here for!
MoonyFollower: I'm getting uncomfortable with this sudden change of subject...
Murky: No one's making YOU stay, twerp!
MoonyFollower: PSH!
[MoonyFollower has signed out]
TheBigOne: Still mad at me, Rose? :'(
[RedRose has signed out]
TheBigOne: -sigh- Rosalie!
[TheBigOne has signed out]
MindReader: Good night, love... I see no point in staying if we're going to discuss Jacob's 'smexiness.'
NotAlbino: Good night, Edward.
[MindReader has signed out]
[NotAlbino has signed out]
PixieGirl: -GASP- JASPER! Is that YOU!?
TheFriendlyGhost: Yep.
PixieGirl: Awww! you came BACK!
TheFriendlyGhost: Yep.
[PixieGirl has signed out]
[TheFriendlyGhost has signed out]
Murky: ...
Moony: It's just you and me, then, Leah!
Murky: ...
Moony: Where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?
Murky: ... STEP AWAY FROM THE SHOVEL, BLACK!
Moony: ... -muahaha-...
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