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I wanted to hate him with every fiber of my being. I wanted to run until my legs gave out and I fell to my knees. I wanted to cry until I drowned in a pool of saltwater. I wanted to scream until my voice disappeared and my throat ached. I wanted to do anything but stand here and stare.
My eyes were glued to the picture watching their every moment in high definition. I watched him caress her biting my tounge until blood rushed forth and into my mouth. I watched her kiss him digging my fingernails into my palm until the skin screamed in protest turning a volient red and pulsing with pain.
I opened my mouth meaning to yell but only an airy whisper escaped not even a real word just a strangled sound. My eyes burned as tears finally pressed their way over my bottom eye lid refusing to be held back any longer. They were warmed against my cheek and their taste was harsh and demanding against my parted lips.
My breathing was no longer slow but instead it came in short gasps. That didn't get enough air to my lungs and made my head spin. I wasn't sure if I could even continue breathing. The first sob broke through my lips a loud, broken sound.
This they heard two heads rose to face me. Strawberry blond hair fell into the girls carmel eyes, my perfect full lips turned down into a frown, and her melted gold eyes displayed only smypthy not regret. His bronze locks were in a state of total disarray he seemed unsure of what to say but pushed the blonde, tanya away and made a movement to apporach me.
He reached out to touch me but I jerked away and did the one thing I should have done in the first place. I screamed like someone being reached for by a monster. That was what she was not the super hero of my fantasies but a monster from my wrost nightmares.
I felt two stone cold hands land on my shoudler pulling me away from him and pulling me toward them. I sobbed against the purple matieral of whatever my savoir was wearing.
I felt my feet come off the ground. I was being lifted, taken somewhere. A few seconds later I was being laid down against the cullens white living room couch. Someone sit down beside me rubbing my arm and whispering over and over that that they were sorry.
I looked up at the pixie like face of my hero, Alice. "How could he?" I said whimpering like child who's dog had just gotten hit by a car.
"I should have seen this coming." Alice scolded herself looking like she would cry with me if she could. Her eyes so much like his, a deep melting pot of gold. I couldn't stand it. My stomach turned and I thought for sure I would be sick.
"Alice I need to go." I choked out. Alice looked down away from my face.
"Bella will you be back?" Alice asked looking up her eyes displaying a deep hurt.
"No Alice, I don't think so." I replied looking away from her.
"Of course I understand." Alice replied picking me up again. I tried not to breath not wanting to smell that scent of vampire, not wanting to even feel their icy skin.
A wave of peppermint and tobacco washed over of senses as she settled me into the truck. The familar smell causing me to break out in fresh tears. How many times me and him had sit in my truck just like this. I bite down on my bottom lip and dug my fingers into my palm willing this pain to stop.
Alice drove me home driving rather slow as if to say good-bye without words. She never turned on the radio and she never said a word. At my house my helped me out of the truck and didn't even wave before turning and running toward the dark forest. I swear my heart almost stopped as my mind seen Edward not Alice retreating for forever.
I dragged myself into the kitchen of my home and up to the bathroom. I didn't even stop to look at myself in the mirror I just opened the cabinet and pulled out the three white bottles, sleeping pills, pain pills, random pills. I didn't care. I dumped their contents into a single pile. And ran the glass I used when brushing my teeth full of water. I dumped the first handful in my mouth and shallowed with water. Same with the second and the third.
My world blurred. I felt myself falling and threw my hands out in fornt of me grabbing at empty air trying to catch myself. I hit the tiled floor hard, my head bounced against the tile before tossing me into a blackness so dark that I wasn't sure it was possible to have light here.
I knew it was over. I couldn't remember my own name anymore. I couldn't remember how to breath. My chest hurt with my effort to get some air. I felt like I was in the middle of black jello. My body felt unattachted and my thoughts ran together with no clear path.
I let go completely not bothering to try and force breath within me anymore. I felt myself slip away as if someone had cut the last strings bounding me to the real world. Suddenly everything got cold and a sigh shuddered past my lips, my whole body shivered with the chill, and it was over.
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