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All credit goes to the original author
Where’d you go?
I took another deep breath, my eyes shutting close, as I took in his scent, my head buried as deeply as possible into his chest. I could barely take the pain as he rubbed my back soothingly, whispering in my ear. I shook my head, clutching on to him like if my life depended on it. My body shook with more tears, as a sob broke through my lips, my heart aching.
“Bella, I’ll come back.” He whispered. I shook my head, burying my face deeper into his chest. I felt so weak and vulnerable. All the other wives, and mothers could let their sons, fathers, brothers, or husbands and boyfriends go, but I felt like I was the only one who couldn’t seem to let go. I tightened my hold on him. If he left I didn’t know what I’d do to myself.
“Bella, you have to let go.” He breathed into my ear, I could feel the panic, and straining in his voice. So reluctantly, I lifted my teary face from his chest, my tiny arms tightening even more to him. His green eyes bore into mine as he cradled my face in his hands, his thumbs passing under my eye, washing the tears away. Last night had been an emotional night, full of passion, and ‘I love you’ everywhere.
“Edward, please stay.” I begged hopelessly, my heart hurting, and tugging in my chest. The pain passing through my veins, and my knees buckling. I was past desperate now, and my heart rate was uncontrollable.
“Bella, I will come back to you.” He said sternly. I let another sob escape my lips, as he bent down his head to press his lips to my own. This kiss was not passionate, it was harsh, and needy, stern and firm, and panicky, because deep inside we both knew this might just be the end. It was the deal with the devil. When he finishes his training, he would officially be in the war, and then there was no turning back.
I let my arms leave his waist, only to wrap around his neck. I pulled him as tight to me as I could, even if it hurt, I didn’t care. I wanted his lips tattooed on mine if I had to. He finally pulled away, kissing me one more time. I let my head fall to his chest again, as he wrapped his arms around my waist, lifting me in the air. I wrapped my legs around his waist, like a child. That’s exactly what I felt like.
I felt like a child, being cared for by her protector. I couldn’t help but be comforted in his arms. I felt as Edward’s hands moved up to the strap of my tank top. I hid my face in his neck, as he traced with his finger, the twists and lines of his printed name. The tattoo was worth it, and I will forever hold it with me. My father freaked out when he saw the elegant scrip reading Edward on my shoulder. He said that we weren’t sure what love was, that we were just two crazy kids. But he didn’t know. No one knew. We weren’t two crazy kids, we were two people in love.
No one understood but us.
I let his cool fingers trace the name over and over, until they blew the whistle. I sobbed again as the wind hit my face. Edward pressed me to him one more time before placing my feet back on the ground. I was ready to beg, to crawl on my knees for him. I was way too desperate, but I knew there was no point. He couldn’t back out now. And everyone knew that once Edward got an idea he went with it, he was as hard headed as me. I looked away from his gaze, my hair hitting my face, as my shoulders shook violently with the sobs.
“Bella, look at me.” He whispered. I didn’t listen, the pain too much to take. “Bella look at me damn it.” He said more sternly, his voice shaking. When I looked up at him, his green eyes were smoldering, full of tears to the brim, as he looked at me with an untold promise. I let more tears escape my eyes.
“The hardest part about this is leaving you.” He whispered, with so much emotion, that I felt my heart break further. Another sob broke through my lips. He let one small tear run down his cheek, and I stood on my toes, cleaning it with my lips. The salt taste of Edward’s tear was like a medicine to heartbreak. It was my medicine.
“I love you.” I whispered.
“No baby, I love you.” He whispered as he brought me to his chest once more. The whistle blew as the men started moving. I pulled away placing a tender, whisper of a kiss on his lips.
He looked at me once more, before pulling his sleeves up, my name as well scripted perfectly on his forearm. I smiled sadly as he started to back up, throwing glances at me as he reached the green jeep. I waved after him, my knees buckling as Esme stood next to me, her arm wrapped around my shoulder. All I could do was whisper the words I had been saying all week.
“Come back.”
-:-
“All I’m saying is that if he’s going to get me something for our anniversary, it could have been something less kinky.” Rosalie said, raising her hands in the air. Alice chuckled, sipping some more of her tea.
“Oh Rose, you enjoyed every minute of it.” Alice giggled. Rosalie, winked at her, with a secrete smile. I sat there numbly, staring at the table cloth.
There hadn’t been any news this week on how Edward was doing. So far the training was brutal, and I had been getting letters from Edward the past month. With every letter it was like a blessing, a hope, a promise that he would come back to me whole. Rosalie, Alice and Esme had been taking turns staying with me. I was taking it horribly. Alice and Esme, Edward’s own mother, and sister were taking it better than I was. They were able to pray and move on, while I only sulked and cried myself to sleep night after night.
The worst part was the he wasn’t even in any danger. It was just training, but it was the fact that if Edward passed the training flawlessly and soon enough, they would send him off to war and then there really was no turning back. I was overreacting for almost nothing, but at the same time it was something. He could be gone.
“Dear are you alright?” Esme’s hand tenderly brushed my own, as she called my attention. I looked up at her worried expression.
“I’m fine.” I said softly. Alice and Esme glanced at each other briefly, both knowing that I was the exact opposite of fine. Alice sighed, putting her tea down on the table.
“Bella, there should be a letter coming in soon this week.” Alice said, trying to comfort me. It had no such affect. I knew that it would only bring my hopes up, and if there was no letter this week, it would only make me panic further.
“I’m sure there will be.” Rosalie tried to assure. I sighed shifting in my seat, as my finger traced circles on the white table cloth.
There was no way of assuring what they were saying. In the least I could hope, I could pray, and I could wish, but that doesn’t mean it will come true. These past weeks, all I could do was depend on hope. I would hope that he would write me a letter, and then I would hope it would arrive. His letters were the only thing keeping me sane, and once one would arrive it was like a whole different shift in my mood. I would cry of happiness and relief.
But then of course, an hour later I would cry all over again, and go back to praying that he was fine. It was hard, and I was pretty sure I was driving everyone insane. My cousin Emmett had even stayed with me. I grew so dependent on him, because sure Alice and Rosalie could hug me, and Esme could whisper soothing things to me, but I needed a close feel to Edward. I needed someone who I could pretend is Edward.
I was always close to Emmett, he was like my brother, especially when he moved in during high school after his parents died in a fire. Because of this, I was his sister, and he was my brother. Emmett was a man, with strong arms, cute dimples, and a masculine scent. Of course it was not even close to Edward’s scent, and he was nowhere near close to even looking like Edward, but strong arms, trust, and a foundation is what I needed. And when I would fall asleep with my cousin’s arms wrapped around me, his t-shirt smelled of man, and I could go to sleep peacefully.
I know it made no sense, but in my head, the small explanation I had, was what kept me going, and what kept me calm when Edward’s letters weren’t here. Rosalie didn’t mind in the least, that her boyfriend was practically living in my house, because she and Alice could just live there as well with all the visits they gave me. I felt weak and vulnerable with their help, but at some points, I could care less.
Plus Rosalie didn’t mind living with me, and she didn’t mind Emmett living with me, or Emmett babying me, or taking care of me and not her. She didn’t mind the fact that when we sat on the couch, it was me who was bundled up in his arms. In fact, she would sit on the other side of me, and rub my back, as well hugging me. At first she was upset about it, fighting with Emmett, but a talk with Alice and Rosalie straightened up. I don’t know what it was Alice had said, and like everything else…I didn’t care.
“Bella?” I looked up at the call of my name, my eyes disconnected. “Are you ready to go?” Alice asked. I nodded softly, moving the untouched plate of food away from the edge of the table, as I got up from my seat.
“Can I go to the bathroom?” I asked quietly. Esme’s eyes softened as she nodded. I could see the sadness in her green eyes, but I usually avoided her eyes. They were just like Edward’s, and as much as I loved Edward’s eyes, seeing my mess in Esme’s green orbs, was hurtful. Those eyes were only allowed with his face, and features. I couldn’t look at Esme’s eyes without breaking. I ducked my head, as I walked past Alice and Rosalie, into the restaurant. They had gotten a table outside, for the breezy air, but it did no good for me. I walked past the waiter’s sympathetic looks.
Angela knew what I was going through. Her husband Ben was in the army as well, and it was nice to have someone to talk to, someone to relate to, but the fact that Victoria knew, and gave me pitiful looks made my veins boil. I ducked her looks as well and walked straight forward. It’s like the whole world knew what was wrong with me. Then again, Forks was very small. Victoria looked away, placing the menu back in another table as I walked past her to the lady’s room. Of course she’d be working here.
Victoria never liked me since her boyfriend James had a thing for me, but it seems that when she found out about Edward, she softened up, knowing what it was like to lose someone you loved. Though I hadn’t lost Edward…..yet.
I took a deep breath as I locked myself up in the small stall all the way in the end of the bathroom. I sat on the toilet, the top down, as I brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs. I rested my head on my arms, my thoughts overwhelming me.
I remember when Edward told me he was going off to war. Before that, everything had been fine. We were two kids in love, always together, best friends, and attached by the hip. We had moved in together, and we were in love, everything was fine. He was always happy, always smiling. We got along perfectly. We worked in a studio, as photographers. He had met me like that. We had met at a wedding, I was studying photography, and I had gone to the wedding to help the photographer and his cousin Jessica was the one getting married. We hit it off, and well after dating for two whole years, we opened our business together, and moved in. I was 21, and he was 22.
A year later, this year, on his birthday, he decided to tell me about his thoughts on joining the army. I freaked out. I screamed at him, and threw the dining table over, I hit him, I did so many things. I couldn’t get the thought in my head. Why would he want to do that? Why would he want to join the army? I didn’t get it, until he explained it to me. His father Edward Sr. had died at war.
His mom, a lonely widow, always told Edward stories about the war, and how his father was a great man. Edward and his dad were like father like son. A perfect combination and they were like best friends when they were together.
When Edward turned fifteen his father died at war. He was a general, a great one at that. Jackson Whitlock was Edward Sr.’s best friend, and partner, and his son Jasper Whitlock as well was interested in the war, to join. That’s how Jasper and Alice met.
Of course, after Jasper’s father past away, it had the opposite affect on him. He decided not to join the war, unlike Edward who decided he would join. It became official that he would join the army, and three months after I freaked out, they called him out. Turns out he had signed up way before he told me, and was supposed to start training. That was one of the worst fights we’d ever had, and it made me shudder just at the thought of it.
After everyone got over the whole fight, Edward and I dedicated our last month together, to ourselves, isolated from anyone else in the family. I thought Esme would freak that her son now joined the army too, just like her husband. But instead, she was calm about it, already having experience and preparation for something like this.
Edward said that he loved our business, but he felt this would open up new possibilities for us, and that he would felt it was his duty. He proposed to me during that month, and of course I said yes, but I wasn’t going to marry him until he came back. There was just no time for that.
So of course, Alice went all out, and she’s been preparing the date, and every detail that she could come up with for the wedding. The wedding will be when Edward returns home. He comes back in December, --if he makes it that long—for three weeks, and during that stay, we will be married, and enjoying a small vacation. I didn’t keep my hopes up for that though, knowing they would be crushed if it all happened otherwise. I sighed, my eyes prickling with tears. As weak as I feel, I knew that this has all made me a tougher person…for better…or for worse.
“Yeah, did you hear about that?” I recognized that as Tanya’s voice. As the door creaked open to the bathroom. I kept my feet up and made sure to make no sound or movements.
“I did actually, I felt kind of bad for her.” That was definitely Lauren Mallory. At first sight, Tanya and Lauren seemed like complete and total Barbie bitches, but they weren’t that bad. They could be nice, but both were women with ambition, gossip, and dreams to be in LA not Forks, Washington. They both were selfish, envious, and bitches at times, but could be kind. They just had their moments, like any other woman.
“Well, I didn’t.” Tanya contradicted. I strained my ears, my brow furrowing at their latest gossip. “I knew he’d leave her at some point.” Tanya said, and I could just imagine the smug smile on her lips.
“Yeah, but Tanya….the war? If he wanted to leave her, he could have broken up with her.” Lauren contradicted, her voice sympathetic. It was then that it dawned on me what the subject of this new scoop was. Me.
“Sure he could have.” Tanya disagreed. I felt my skin boil. They didn’t know. No one knew. Edward loved me. He did. They just didn’t have anything better to do. Yet somehow, their conversation still got to me.
“Tanya, look, if Edward was going to lie just to get away from her, he might as well have said he was gay. I mean, the war? That would be a lazy and stupid excuse.” Lauren insisted.
“Maybe he would rather die than be with her.” Tanya challenged. I could hear Lauren’s heels as they clacked on the floor with her pacing.
“I don’t think so Tanya. The way Edward would look at Bella….it was crazy. He loved her. He really did. I remember how they would look at each other. I’m telling you Tanya, there is no doubt in this universe that Edward Masen was head over heels in love with Isabella Swan.” I felt my eyes soften, and a small, sad smile appear on my face. Maybe they did know.
“Yeah, he loved her enough to die at war.” Tanya said coldly. It was then that I couldn’t take it anymore. Lauren was fine, she did nothing wrong, but Tanya…..
I let my feet fall from the toilet, as everything in the bathroom went silent. I opened the stall, and with that walked out, to see the terrified faces of Lauren and Tanya. Tanya looked like she wanted to burry herself somewhere. She looked guilty.
I walked forward, stopping front of them to give them a sharp, and hard stare. Tanya looked away, her gaze falling on the counter. I then continued to walk forward and out the bathroom, my face stone hard as I ignored Victoria’s stares.
None of them knew.
-:-
“Bella, look, there was a letter!” Alice’s voice rang through the hall, as my head snapped up. We had just gotten home from the restaurant, and I had dodged their questions, all through the car ride home.
“Bella?” Alice called. But I was already next to her, my heart racing and my veins pulsing as I took the letter out of her hands. She stared at her empty hands, blinking.
“Thank you Alice.” I said as I ran to my bedroom. I locked the door behind me, needing privacy to open the new letter. I felt my heart racing, the new hope coming. Though I was scared to what might be written inside. I blinked a couple times, my body opening up ready to swallow in the new relief that might come just to make me sane for at least a couple hours. I’d give anything to be sane again. I closed my eyes, before I unfolded the paper, my eyes reading every inch of it, from the name, Edward Masen to the date. I finally took a deep breath getting to the base of the letter.
Dear Bella,
How much I miss you baby. I write again, and again every week to you in hopes that you would be alright. I promise I’m fine. So far everything has been going great, and I’m still whole. How’s Emmett? He’s not drinking all my beer is he? I want that fridge full when I get back. Tell my mother and sister I said hi, that I’m fine, and that I love them. I want you to know most of all Bella, that I love you. I know I write it every time, but I need you to understand, that I love you. It’s not the same without you. I wake up every morning waiting to see you next to me, but you’re not here. I miss you, I need you, and most of all I love you. Do me a favor and please be happy. Be happy for us, for me. I’ll be back, I promise, and I will write to you every chance I get. I love you, I love you, I love you.
Love,
Your Edward.
Ps: I can’t wait to get home and make you mine officially. I’m tired of being the only one in the group without a ring.
I put my hand over my mouth to stifle the laugh. Every time he’d send me a letter, I would manage to smile, or at least give a chuckle, so now I clutched the my hand over my mouth, the relief washing over me, and the excitement pouring in my veins, the love filling my heart, and the tears streaming down my face. I clutched the letter to my chest.
I missed him deeply.
-:-
“You’re going on a date?” Rosalie asked. I looked up from Emmett’s lap to see Esme smile. She was dressed nicely in a black simple dress, showing off her legs, which should have been full of cellulites, but instead were youthful. She had her hair in waves flowing down on her shoulders, and small simple black purse, with a nice necklace. Alice raised an eyebrow at her mother as she looked up from her magazine.
“Mom, you didn’t tell me.” Alice said, hurt clear in her voice. Esme sighed, walking up to her daughter, and sitting next to her.
“Alice, it’s been years, and when he asked me out to dinner, I just got excited. I think I might like him.” Esme tried to explain. Alice looked down before glancing back up at her mother. She sighed.
“Whatever makes you happy mom.” Alice said sweetly. Esme hugged her.
“So what’s his name?” Rosalie asked from the end of the couch. She had my feet propped up on her lap, as my head rested on Emmett’s lap. He played with my hair, soothing me.
“His name is Carlisle Cullen.” Esme said with a smile. Rosalie’s brow furrowed as she looked down at the floor, deep in thought. She finally looked up at Esme.
“Isn’t he that new doctor?” Rosalie asked. Esme nodded with a small smile, her eyes sparkling. I couldn’t help but feel happy for her, but at the same time, I wondered how Edward would take it.
“Now, Esme, I don’t have to give you the birds and bees talk to do I?” Emmett said teasingly, but with a serious face. Esme rolled her eyes at him as Alice and Rosalie laughed, I just smiled slightly.
There was a sudden knock on the door. Of course he’d pick her up here. Esme lived here now, just like Alice, Rosalie and Emmett. They had their own rooms too.
“Well, that should be him.” Esme said, getting up to fix the hem of her dress. I could see she was pretty nervous. “Wish me luck.” She whispered. Alice smiled at her mom, getting up to fix her hair.
“Good luck mom.” Alice said sincerely. “Have fun.” Esme smiled, before kissing her forehead, and walking to the door. I could hear a smooth voice greet her as the door clicked close.
“My mom is dating more than I am.” Alice said with a laugh. I laid my head back on Emmett’s lap, with a smile.
“You’re not dating because you have a boyfriend.” Rosalie laughed. Alice blushed, looking down at her lap.
“Yeah, speaking of your boyfriend, Alice, where is he?” Emmett asked. Jasper and Emmett were good friends, they and Edward always got into trouble, but lately, Jasper had been caught up at work. He worked as a teacher at some upper class fancy school, and midterms were coming soon, so he was on overdrive with the kids. It didn’t help that all the teachers were after the gorgeous new young history teacher. It also didn’t help that the students as well lusted after poor Jasper.
“He had some meeting with the principle over a fight that took place in his class.” Alice said with a sigh. Emmett snorted.
“Please, with Jasper there, the fight probably didn’t last. If that boy could calm me down he can calm down two 17 year old boys barely finishing puberty.” Emmett said with a roll of the eyes. Rosalie giggled.
“Actually it was two girls,” Alice said with a nervous chuckle. “Tops were ripped off.” She added. Emmett looked at her, blinking, almost waiting for her to say, ‘just kidding’. When Alice didn’t, Emmett looked away and back to the T.V.
“No comment.” He said. I always enjoyed Emmett’s sense of humor, but it seemed that Alice’s story left even him swimming with questions that he preferred not answered.
“Bella did you send Edward your letter?” Alice asked. I nodded softly.
I had sent him my letter. I mentioned how it was hard to be without him, how much I loved him, and what I wanted to do to him when he got back, and I joked about how I would make sure that he had a ring around his finger to flash his buddies. Of course, after I sent it, I felt hollow as I realized I’d have to wait for another letter to arrive. It was already November, and Thanksgiving was right around the corner.
I don’t think I could take this anymore.
-:-
I walked past the cereal section; Emmett’s armed wrapped around my shoulder, and his other hand holding Rosalie’s hand. I pushed the cart forward. Today we had gone grocery shopping, with all of us living in my apartment, we needed more food. Of course I never ate, but with the dramatic weight loss, and all the lack of sleep I was receiving, and depression, Alice insisted I went out and bought some food. She was now forcefully feeding me, and she did everything she could to keep me out of my bedroom. I didn’t want to leave though. The whole room smells of him. His scent fills my clothes and the bed, and I barely wear my clothes anymore. I’m always wearing his shirt. I haven’t worn one of my own shirts for about a whole month.
I sighed as I hid my face a bit into the collar of his shirt. I was wearing his favorite button down shirt. The sleeves were pulled up to my elbows, and the first few buttons undone, showing my tank top under. I was going insane. Soon I would grow grey hairs.
“Bella, Emmett and I are going to get frozen pizza to cook tonight.” Rosalie said. I gave them a small little nod as Emmett unwrapped his arm from me, and walked off with Rosalie.
I felt so exposed. I had depended so much on Emmett when I wasn’t near Edward’s letters, and without his big strong arm around me, I felt weird, and out in the open which is the one place I didn’t want to be. I caught a glimpse of myself of the mirror in the meat section up ahead. I looked horrible. My hair was up in a knotted bun, messy, and covering most of my face with loose strands, that I hid behind. I was paler than usual, almost a chalky white, and I had dark bags under my eyes, my lips dry and pale as well, and my cheek bones more pronounced in a sick way. I had lost too much weight.
I sighed pushing the cart forward. Maybe I could get some new shampoo. I pushed the cart, with a bit of difficulty, from my weak arms, as I reached the shampoo aisle. I looked through the different kinds. There were a whole bunch of nice shampoos that Alice would approve of. There was a Dove one, with a new scent, and then there was this silky pink one with strawberries. That’s the one I used to use before Edward….left. My eyes scanned the shelf until they rested on one shampoo bottle that made my throat dry with longing.
Edward always liked ‘Head and Shoulders’, and he liked every kind, but his favorite was ‘Head and Shoulders Ocean lift’. He said it made him feel clean and fresh, and the smell was absolutely amazing, along with the way his hair would look after he used it. His hair was always perfect, but the shampoo gave him a silky look, and like I said the smell was wonderful, and I always loved kissing his head just to sniff it. He always said that it didn’t matter whether or not the shampoo was for dandruff, he liked it and that’s the point.
I knew it was a crazy idea, but I threw it into the cart, and I threw the conditioner along with it. I knew at this point I was definitely going insane, but anything that was remotely close to Edward was good enough for me. I may be wearing his clothes, but the more I wash them the least it smells less like him. With the shampoo I could always smell like him.
I felt like a kid stealing a cookie from the cookie jar, so after placing the shampoo and conditioner in, I turned the cart, ready to run for it, for some odd reason. I just didn’t want to have to give explanations. Suddenly in my haste, I bumped into someone. I mumbled a quiet sorry.
“No, no, it’s ok.” I looked up to Lauren’s voice. Her face was down as she picked up the conditioner that had fallen to the floor thanks to me. I felt my heart rate pick up. I wasn’t ready to talk to her after last time. She suddenly looked up at me, her conditioner almost falling again, as she gave a small gasp.
“Bella…” She said quietly. I looked away, my foot tapping on the tile floor. “Um…err…I…I…” She couldn’t come up with a sentence. I glanced at her, feeling the tension in the air. She finally sighed. “Bella I’m sorry.” She finally whispered. I raised my eyebrow.
“I really am.” She said with a small smile. “I know that you and I never really were much of friends, but what happened the other day in the bathroom…I mean…I…ugh…Tanya and I are grown women, we should have known better than to gossip like school girls. I really am sorry.” She said with a sad smile, her blue eyes sincere. I smiled softly at her.
“It’s ok…” I said, but it was a hushed sound. Barely a whisper. She sighed in relief.
“Again, I am sorry.” She repeated. “I know how much Edward loves you.” I noticed how she used present instead of past tense. It made me smile knowing that she believed he was still alive and that he really truly did love me.
“Thank you.” I whispered. Lauren smiled, with a small nod, before walking past me, a subtle truce and peace between us.
-:-
“Happy Thanksgiving!” Alice’s voice rang through the room. I hid deeper into the covers, inhaling deeply Edward’s shirt.
Today was not a day that I looked forward to. My mother had decided to call and come over to see us, but Alice had to stop her, saying that we weren’t doing anything because I could barely take it, that for my sake, we preferred not to have anyone over. The same thing went for my father. Now if this brought any hope that Alice would let me be, and leave me alone in my room, I was wrong.
She was still making us a dinner, though more subtle, with Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, and Carlisle, Esme’s new….love interest if you want to call him that.
He was actually pretty nice. He was very good looking, perfect for Esme, and extremely kind. He didn’t give me those sad looks, of pity like most people did, and he wasn’t afraid to approach me like I was a disease, and that was a nice change for once.
I sighed getting up from my bed. Last night I had worn Edward’s boxers, and t-shirt. I wouldn’t even look at my clothes. I always just went straight for his. I grabbed a towel, heading to my bathroom, and doing the normal routines. Shower, using Edward’s shampoo, and then brushing my teeth, and whatnot. When I got out of the shower, Alice was in my bedroom. I looked at her, pressing the towel closer to my body. Alice smiled sadly, as she had her hands behind her back. She finally moved her hands forward, to show me what she was holding.
She had Edward’s black button up shirt. I raised my eyebrow at her. She sighed.
“I know you feel comfortable wearing his clothing. I’ll let you wear it Bella, but if we just add a couple changes to make it more feminine.” Alice said, carefully. I thought about it.
Alice was really trying and at least letting me in my comfort zone. As long as the scent was still in his shirt, she didn’t cut it up or something, than I was fine with it. I nodded, letting Alice go on ahead. She smiled, as she threw the shirt towards me, with a pair of jeans that were comfy enough for me. She gave me some underwear too, and I went into the bathroom to change.
I was happy that Alice was letting me be, and that she didn’t make a big deal out of this Thanksgiving thing. I walked out to my bedroom, and Alice for once, just had a brush in her hand, no blow drier, or make up kit. Just a brush. I sighed in relief as I walked towards her. She reached behind her, grabbing a safety pin and holding it in her mouth, as she turned me around. She worked on the shirt, and then attached the safety pin, making the shirt tighter around my torso that it fit. Edward was a whole lot bigger than me anyway.
She then turned behind her grabbing a wide and long piece of white silk, which she folded and then wrapped around my waist, making a bow. It looked nice, and the shirt still had Edward’s scent. She then untangled the knots in my hair, grabbing a pair of flats and throwing them at me, without another word. Then she was gone.
I took a deep breath, turning to the stereo. It has been like this the whole week. I barely need Emmett anymore. I just hide in the bedroom as I discovered new ways I could be connected to Edward. There were billions of pictures of Edward and me that we had taken, and they all reminded me of the good times, and I could see his face in every single one. I would look at those and cry, or I would use his scent from shampoo, or clothing, or the bed, or I would go to his stereo and just play his music.
Through the first month without him, I guess it really got to me so hard, that I didn’t even remember playing his music. I usually listened to his favorite CDs, or actually listened to the music he recorded of him playing piano. They were usually my birthday presents since he knew how much I liked them. For three whole weeks I just hid in my room not even looking at Emmett anymore, and past that theory and stage, and would just listen to his music, missing him more and more.
His letters still come every week, and I reply every week. And every time they arrive, I jump for joy, my heart speeds, and relief replaces the sorrow along with hope and excitement. I let my head hit the pillow as I closed my eyes, Gary Jules’s music playing through my head, replacing Edward’s soft melodies as they stopped playing. I sighed, letting the music sink me in. I remember how much Edward loved this song.
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
I sang the song softly, my eyes closed, and my head swimming, as tears started to fall down the side of my face. I sniffled, reaching my hand up to wash them away. The music started to fade, as I seeped into a deep sleep.
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
-:-
“Alright, to a nice Thanksgiving.” Rosalie said as we all tapped our glass together. Carlisle smiled, looking at Esme. I think he might be in love with her, though it’s too early for that…there is something about the way he looks at her, it’s the same way Alice and Jasper look at each other…or the way Edward looks at me. I shook my head, looking down at the engagement ring on my left hand, shining in the light.
I took a deep breath before sipping from my drink. It was a soft wine, very sweet too. I sighed, putting the drink back in the table. I had never resort to drinking to solve any problem, and the day I do is the day something has gone completely wrong. Emmett being Emmett, started to eat off the turkey, already.
I looked around at everyone in the table. In the surface they looked so calm, so peaceful, and happy….but on the outside I knew they might as well be as bad as I was. The other day I caught Alice crying in Jasper’s arms, and one time when I was passing by the kitchen, I heard Esme praying for Edward, her sniffles signifying that she indeed had been crying too.
Emmett wasn’t smiling as usual, his best friend being gone. At first they were able to hide it, at least from me, since I was too busy with my own misery, but as I took the time to look around I realized just how broken we all were.
We were all just fucked up inside.
-:-
“It’s here.” Alice called from the kitchen. I felt myself spring towards my bedroom door, as I ran full blast to Alice. She didn’t even look up at me, she held the letter in the air, for me. I snatched it running back to my bedroom. It was that time of week again. Finally.
I sat on the bed looking at the white envelope. The stamp, being a bit crooked to the side, and the folded and worn out corners, and the fingerprints of a dirty man, probably being Edwards. I smiled to myself passing my fingers over the fingerprints. It was like touching his hand. Like really touching his fingers again…like if he had sent a piece of himself with me.
I sighed finally, with care ripping the envelope open. I took the white piece of paper out. Again I brought the paper up to my face for inspection, as I saw the dirty fingerprints again, and the few smudges of ink here and there. This note had been there with him. He had touched it. Again it was like touching a piece of him. I sighed finally reading the letter.
Dear Bella,
You know, sleeping out here is pretty hard. My back is probably damaged really bad…I’m going to need a massage. God Bella, I can’t wait. Only a week more until I finally get to come home and see you. It must be freezing back in Forks isn’t it? I wish I had a little piece of you here with me. Remember that picture of you and me I took along with me? Yeah, well I kind of maybe…probably lost it. Can you send me another one? The guys have been bugging me about who the beautiful girlfriend is. Well, I promise that the first thing I’m going to do when I get home is see you. Forget the whole town of Forks, and how they want to see us, I’m coming to see you, and only you. First thing I’m doing, so get ready. I love you with all my being and heart, remember that Bella. Forever, and with every fiber, I love you.
Love, your Edward.
Ps. I still can’t wait to make you mine officially.
Again, and like always, the tears fell over my cheeks. I felt the relief fall through my chest knowing he was safe, and only one more week until he was finally in my arms, safe and forever with me. I blew out a breath of air. He wanted a picture of me. A smile grew on my face as I jumped off the bed, my feet carrying me towards our desk. There I had an album full of pictures of us. I thought about what pictures to send to him.
There were so many, but I finally decided on two. I picked one that I knew would make him happy to see….the one with us kissing. It was New Years eve, and when the clock hit 12, Edward bent down to kiss me, and Alice snapped the picture. The next one, is one that shows both of us together. You could see my arms extended as I held the camera forward to take a picture of us both, as Edward stood behind me, his face down to my level, and his cheek pressed to mine, our faces both holding smiles.
I held onto the pictures as I turned to run out my bedroom, in search for paper and an envelope. But as I turned Alice came face to face with me, as she opened the door, slipping into my bedroom. I blinked, staring at her. She seemed uncomfortable, her hands together in front of her, and she seemed nervous. I shifted from foot to foot, my chest heaving up and down from the news I had just received from Edward. Alice finally glanced up at me, her mouth opening and closing as she struggled for the right words.
“Bella…” She started. I blinked, looking down at the floor. “Do you think….do you think you can show me the letters Edward has sent you?” I looked up at Alice shocked.
I hadn’t shown anyone those letters. They were conversations between me and Edward that I would later put away in an old shoe box. I didn’t know if I wanted to show them to Alice. But as I looked in her deep blue eyes, I could see the tint of emerald. The tint of emerald that belonged to Edward’s eyes. She was his sister, and I wasn’t sure if I could do that to her. She wanted to see the letters, and I could see the sorrow in her eyes, as her bottom lip quivered. She was scared. She was terrified, and she was upset. Maybe my form of sanity could help her too.
I smiled slightly, and nodded, turning on my heel, for the shoe box right under my bed. Alice sighed in relief as she sat at the edge of my bed. I brought the shoe box out, placing it on my lap, and taking the lid off slowly, the white envelopes filled to the top. Alice’s eyes widened, as I took out the first letter he wrote to me. I handed it to Alice but she shook her head. I looked at her confused.
“You read it out loud.” She said. I looked at her skeptically, before sighing, and clearing my throat. It had been a while since I talked.
“My dear Bella, you don’t know how much I miss you. It’s been about two weeks only, and in my first day I could barely sleep without you in my arms.” I cleared my throat again, my voice hoarse, as I avoided Alice’s gaze. “I miss you deeply, and I don’t know if I could go through with this, and without you. I miss waking up to your brown eyes. Instead I wake up to a loud whistle in my ear, and the black eyes of the furious eyes of General Manson.” I let out a low chuckle as Alice giggled along with me. “I know I’m only in training for now, but he’s really kicking my butt, especially when he found out who my father was.” I stole a glance at Alice. Her eyes softened at her father’s mentioning. “Apparently my dad was his General back when Manson was in training. He seems to have high respect for my father, but other than that the man is a robot with locked up feelings. But thinking of my dad makes me want to keep going further.” I sighed. “Then there’s you. When I think of you, I lose complete focus. One of these days I might get hurt.” I still felt strained when I read this part, especially saying it aloud. Alice rubbed my back. “But don’t pop a vein baby, I’ll be fine, I promise. I love you, forever, and ever, and ever, and as cheesy as it sounds, I really don’t think I can live without you. Love, your Edward. Ps, tell mom and Alice I said hi and that I love them too.” I took a deep breath. It was the first time I had read that aloud and it took a load off my chest.
I looked up at Alice’s eyes. They were completely teary, as she looked at me with a small smile.
“He’s really going through with this isn’t he?” She asked. I nodded sadly. Alice sighed, clearing a tear out of her eye.
“Read me another one.”
-:-
I was bouncing up and down with so much excitement, that I thought I would combust. Edward was here. He was finally here. I just couldn’t get the thought in my head. I didn’t care that Alice dressed me up today, or that Emmett made fun of me when I tripped out of bed. It didn’t matter.
I couldn’t stop grinning, and my heart was fluttering wildly, my legs and arms controlling their own movements. I was shaking.
“Calm down Bella.” Emmett said putting a hand on my shoulder. I just continued with my shaking as I waited in the airport for my man to come to us. They all received a break from training, and were sent over to their house for winter, to spend time with the family. I couldn’t wait for the next three weeks that I had with Edward. We were getting married, my dress being picked out, which Alice has yet to show me.
To be honest, I didn’t want Alice to show me anything that had to do with the wedding, because I wasn’t so sure it would happen. But it would happen. I would get my wedding with the man I loved the most, and that’s all I needed to hear.
Finally I heard the loud cheering, as the crowd ahead us parted, revealing a group of men, all wearing cameo pants, and a white t-shirt, bags in hands, or over their shoulders. He was in the front, his bronze hair impossible to miss, his crooked smile making my heart beat faster than should be healthy, and his green eyes so bright it hurt to look at them.
I couldn’t contain myself when I saw him. I ran. I squealed, and screamed earning glares and looks from everyone in the airport as I ran towards him.
He had stopped walking for a second, looking up to meet my gaze after hearing my squeals, and then that crooked grin appeared on his perfect lips, as he ran towards me as well. We both collapsed in each other’s arms, my legs going for his waist, my arms around his neck, as he grabbed onto me tightly.
I had a death grip around him, my tears into his neck. All the shirts, I had worn, or the shampoo, or the bed sheets, had nothing compared to his scent. They were not even close to how good the real thing was. I felt right at home, finally having his strong arms around me.
It was then I realized that I finally had him in my arms. The realization crashed down on me, as I sobbed and sobbed into his shoulder. I loved him, I loved him, I loved him, and I had missed him for far too long. And he was finally here. He was safe, and he was holding me.
I pulled my head away from his neck to look at his face, my fingers tracing every outline of his perfect jaw, chin lips, eyes, eyebrows, nose and cheeks. He was actually here. I felt a huge relief and excitement take over me. It was more powerful than when I would receive his letters. I felt perfectly at ease.
His eyes were wet as well as mine, his face glowing. I then did something I had been dying to do for months. I crashed my lips down hard on his. It was like heaven right in the middle of hell.
I had wanted to do this for such a long time, to feel his lips against mine, soft as petals, needy as a hungry wolf, and dancing like a ballerina. They were perfect, moving against mine in sync, in desperation, and if I didn’t pull away soon, I would do something very inappropriate. I pulled away as I heard the cheering behind Edward and I. Edward chuckled, reaching his hand up to wash away the tears from my eyes.
“Missed me?” He teased. I in turn did not laugh, but instead I cradled his face in my hands, and very sternly, whispered the three words I had been writing for over a month now.
“I love you.” I said looking deeply into his eyes. He pursed his lips, emotions running through his eyes like waterfalls.
“I love you.” He repeated, strongly. It was a very intense moment, and at that second those three words have never meant more. They meant so much that we didn’t have the voices to say anything more. I again, bent my head to kiss him wrapping my arms around his neck, as he still carried me, my legs tightening on his waist. My hair fell over my face a bit, and over his, working as a curtain to give us privacy, the curls that Alice had worked perfectly on, was soft against our skin, making the moment sweeter as his shampoo scent surrounded us. He pulled away his brow furrowed, as he leaned in to smell my shampoo.
“Is that my shampoo?” He asked with a smirk. I blushed, ducking my head. He laughed. Oh god, his laugh, how much had I missed that sound? It was like music to my ears. I closed my eyes enjoying the sound, as he leaned forward to kiss my collarbone. My white tank top gave perfect access, showing off my tattoo as well on my shoulder. I moved my hands down his chest, enjoying every feeling of him, as my fingertips traced his arms, until they reached his forearm, where my name was printed permanently.
He smiled kissing me one more time, making the butterflies in my stomach flutter faster.
“Alright, alright Cullen, show us the Mrs.” I heard a voice behind Edward. I lifted my head to see three other men, all were tall, russet skinned, with friendly grins. The one that had spoken had long black hair, wrapped in a pony tail. There was one behind him with short buzzed hair, a bit shorter than the first one, and more built. The last one was tall and lanky with hair almost up to his chin, black as well. Edward put me down, holding me by the waist, and tightly to his body as he moved my hair from one shoulder to the other.
“Guys this is my Bella.” Edward said with a huge grin. The first one looked me up and down, before sighing.
“Alright, you win this one.” He admitted. I looked confused at him, and then at Edward. “She’s a 10.” Edward laughed, again the sound comforting me, as I held onto him tightly.
“Bella this is Jacob, Embry, and Quil.” Edward explained. “They live down at La Push.” I nodded, smiling at the men. I really could care less as rude as it sounded. I just wanted to grab Edward and run.
“Edward?” Alice’s voice rang behind us. Edward turn, still holding me as his sister of a pixie ran towards him. He grabbed her in the air as she jumped, holding her with one arm, his other arm still holding me to him, refusing to let me go. Alice sobbed on his shoulder before looking up at him, he had tears as well as he kissed her cheek.
“You’re an idiot.” She said angrily jumping off of him. “You left Bella a mess. Do you know what she’s been wearing this whole time since you left?” She asked hands on her hips. She didn’t give Edward a chance to respond. “She was wearing your clothing! Edward! You’re clothing! Don’t you ever do something like that again!” She scolded. He laughed ruffling her hair.
“Edward?” Esme’s voice rang behind Alice, and Esme, embraced her son, again awkwardly since Edward kept his arm wrapped around me. She brought him in, whispering in his ear, as he hugged her close. Finally they pulled away and Esme kissed his cheek.
“Where’s Emmett and Rosalie?” Edward asked, both his arms wrapping around me. I leaned into his chest, taking in as much of this moment as I possibly could.
“They were just with us.” Esme said, turning around, her eyes roaming. “I don’t know where they went off to.”
“That’s ok, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take my fiancé out now.” Edward said with a smile. I felt myself grin, a real smile. The first one since he left. Alice winked at me.
“Sure…have fun…but use protection.” She said.
With that, Edward swung me over his shoulder and ran for it.
-:-
I giggled as his lips touched my shoulder, kissing the tattooed skin lightly. The chilly air was making me extremely cold as it hit my bare body. I hid deeper into the sheets, against his chest, trying to mold myself to the shape of his body. His lips moved up softly from my shoulder to my neck, leaving little butterflies in my stomach, and making my heart warm and beat at the same time. His lips than moved to my cheek, and up as softly as a feather to my forehead.
"I think this was our record time." He whispered. I giggled.
"Six rounds." I said. He nodded, his fingers trailing from my hip to my side, and playing with the skin of my lower back. "If you keep that up we'll go for round seven." I warned.
"I don't mind." He said seductively, his fingers slowly moving to my side, until he had a firm grip on my hip, his hand trailing down my thigh to my knee, and then to my calf, where he lifted it up and hitched my leg around his hip. "I have not had enough." He whispered, massaging my calf. I sighed, tired.
"Edward, we have three whole weeks for that." I said. He chuckled.
"Alright, alright." He said, closing his eyes. I watched his face go peaceful, his lashes forming shadows on his cheek, and a small, devious smile playing on his lips. How much I had missed that face, and that hair that was sticking up in all directions, just begging to be touched.
"You're not asleep are you?" I asked suddenly. He grinned, his eyes still closed.
"Nope." He said. I rolled my eyes, letting my fingers trace patterns on his perfectly sculpted chest. He opened his eyes slowly, knowing fully well that I was indeed not going to sleep soon. "You haven't told me yet."
"Told you what?" I asked confused at his sudden words.
"What have I missed?" He asked. I sighed, looking away.
"To be honest, I've been locked up in my own world to even notice." I admitted with a blush. He sighed, hugging me closer to his body, his lips pressing to my own.
It was a harsh kiss, full of need and desire. His tongue shoved into my mouth, and I really didn't mind at all. I kissed him back just as urgent, as his arms wrapped around my waist, and he moved to his side, pulling me on top of him. I ran my fingers through his hair, happy but still confused. He finally pulled away to breathe.
"What was that for?" I asked. He looked at me with a serious look.
"Promise me that you will never suffer like that again." He said. I was about to protest when he shook his head, looking at me more intently. "Promise." He said sternly. I finally sighed.
"I promise."
“Good.” He said, satisfied, as he tucked my head under his chin. “Now, nothing happened while I was gone?” he asked again. I thought for a moment.
“Esme has a new squeeze.” I said. He chuckled.
“Ah yes, you told me in the letter, though it was brief. Care to elaborate?”
“Well, his name is Carlisle, very sweet guy, looks like he really cares for her, and she really likes him.” I said, feeling guilty that I couldn’t exactly say more for I hadn’t really paid attention. Edward kissed my forehead.
“I need to meet this man.” He said.
“I guess you have missed a lot.” I sighed. He put his fingertips to my chin and lifted it up so that he could meet my eyes.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Well, everyone else moved forward, things happened to them. You missed their stuff, their news, their promotions or new dates or whatever they did….”
“But you…..” he let the words hang in the air, frightened for the answer. I took a deep breath.
“As pathetic as it is, when you left, my world stopped. I didn’t do much. Maybe that’s not healthy, maybe it’s terrible. Like heroin, you can’t live without it once you’re stuck on it, and I was stuck on you Edward, once you left I was a wreck. Everything stopped until you came back.”
“I know the feeling. But promise me that—”
“We already went through that.” I interrupted, not wanting to promise again for something I wasn’t sure I’d fulfill. He smiled softly.
“Alright. But I want you to know that the same exact thing happened to me while I was away.” He said. I nodded.
“I know.” I whispered before kissing his throat. He groaned.
“It’s those little touches that drive me crazy for more.” He murmured, but I think it was more to himself than me. “Ok my love, time to go to sleep.” He said softly, playing with my hair. I pressed my lips to his throat once more, leaving them there as I smiled.
“I love you Edward.”
“I love you Bella. Goodnight baby.”
-:-
"I’m Carlisle.” Carlisle said with a pleasant tone as he shook Edward’s free hand, his other hand was holding onto mine.
“It’s great to meet you.” Edward said, just as kind.
“Yes, we’ve been expecting you young man. You know, you shouldn’t ever let a pretty young lady like Bella go again…ever.” Carlisle said with a grin. Edward laughed.
“Wouldn’t let her go, ever.” He replied simply. I smiled. “You better not do anything to hurt my mother.” Edward said with a teasing voice, but serious. Carlisle grinned, looking at Esme next to him.
“Wouldn’t hurt her…ever.” He said, still staring at her. I looked up at Edward, watching his green eyes. They squinted a bit, looking at Carlisle’s on eyes, then at Esme’s eyes. His eyes relaxed, but his brow furrowed as he studied Carlisle’s smile. When his whole face relaxed, and the corner of his mouth twitched upwards, I knew. I knew that he approved. Nobody else would have noticed, but I did. I noticed. Because I knew Edward like the back of my hand.
“Alright, boys, I’m going to get the food from the oven.” Esme said with a gentle smile.
“I’ll help you.” I said, I went up on my toes and kissed Edward’s lips. He chuckled against me.
“Bella, you’re just going to the kitchen.” He murmured as he let his fingers tangle in my hair, and pulled back to look at me. I shrugged with a grin.
“Still…”
With one more smile and another peck, I walked after Esme.
“That went better than I expected.” She said, letting out a big breath. I laughed.
“It did, he approved.” I agreed.
“Well, I don’t know about that…” she said looking down with a chuckle.
“But I do. He approved…trust me.” I smiled with reassurance. She shook her head with a small smile.
“You know my son better than I do.”
“….I know.”
“I’m glad.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her.
“Are you nervous about the wedding?” she asked. I thought about it. And I was nervous, but I was eager too. Eager to make him mine.
“It depends on which part you’re referring to.” I finally said.
“Obviously not the commitment.” She said with a grin. I laughed.
“Yeah, obviously not that. I guess it’s the ceremony itself, though Alice promised it’d be quick, and simple. A few friends. The honeymoon though…” I trailed off. Esme nodded.
“I’m sorry hon. It is a pity that the honeymoon won’t be something more….appropriate. I wish…I just wish you two had enough time to actually enjoy the celebration, and the ‘Newly-wed’ feeling.” She said with a sad smile. I shrugged.
“As long as I’m with him, I’m fine. I mean…that’s not how I imagined my first time getting married…or the honeymoon…but…it doesn’t matter. I’m ready to marry him anywhere.”
“I’m happy that you can say that. Beside’s the beach is a beautiful place to get married in.” she added. I grinned.
“I’m ready to marry him anywhere.”
-:-
The sun was hitting our faces brightly for the first time in Forks down at First Beach. My hands were sweaty, and the pastor was saying the lines, but I couldn’t hear him because my focus was on the green orbs before me. The waves were making the most beautiful music, and the beach was so peaceful, and bright. My dress was simple, moving with the wind swiftly and gracefully, as my hair played around on my back, but never on my face, Alice had made sure to clip it away from my face, decorating it with a flower.
I could see Emmett and Jasper standing as the best men with grins on their faces. My father and mother were holding hands, just staring at me. It was a miracle that they could get along after the horrible divorce, but this moment reunited them. I grinned watching Edward’s huge smile as he stared at me. It wasn’t a huge wedding, but there were a lot of people present. Alice had invited at least everyone in my family, and hers, plus anyone we went to high school went.
I didn’t really think about them though. My eyes were for Edward, and Edward only.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride.”
With those lines, I practically jumped him as I laughed freely, my arms wrapping around his neck, and my lips gluing to his. It was a dance I knew all too well, and still got excited for every time. He wrapped his arms around my waist, straightening up and picking me at least a foot off the ground. There was laughter and cheering in the background and my feet popped up as I held onto him closer.
I was wrong.
This is exactly how I want my wedding.
I finally pulled away, but he just leaned in to peck me once, twice, three times. I grinned as he put me down on the ground, holding my hand tightly as we walked through the crowd of people that were congratulating us.
“Introducing the new Mr. and Mrs. Masen!”
-:-
The reception was to be directly in the beach where Alice rented and decorated chairs, and tables, and even put a dance floor and paid a caterer. All the guests had given us their best wishes, and complimented us, some even wished Edward luck at war, which was something I didn’t want to hear on my wedding day. But it didn’t matter.
“Ok, simmer down, simmer down.” Alice said with a mic in hand which she got from the DJ. She laughed. “I know the food was delicious, but it’s time for the first dance as husband and wife. So Bella and Edward, get your cute butts up!” she said with another giggle. “This is a gift from all of us, to you.”
Edward stared at me, his hand gripping mine as he laughed at my expression. Dancing….great…not. With Edward? Hell yeah it was great. I finally sighed and let him lift me up as the wooden dance floor, which was so professionally placed on the sand, was cleared of people. I smiled as we walked towards the middle, waiting for the song to start. What song did they pick?
Love me tender,
love me sweet,
never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
and I love you so.
I smiled as I laid my head on Edward’s chest, closing my eyes. This song was like a lullaby.
Love me tender,
love me true,
all my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin' I love you,
and I always will.
“Alice went with the King.” Edward whispered in my ear, kissing it lightly before laying his cheek on the top of my head, and locking his fingers together on the small of my back, hugging me closer. I nodded softly.
Love me tender,
love me long,
take me to your heart.
For it's there that I belong,
and we'll never part.
“Are you happy?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Me too.”
love me tender love me true all my dreams fulfill for my darling i love you and I always will
Love me tender,
love me dear,
tell me you are mine.
I'll be yours through all the years,
till the end of time
love me tender love me true
all my dreams fulfill
“I don’t want you to go.”
“Me neither.”
For my darling I love you ----and I always will
-:-
“Morning sunshine.”
I opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the light coming from the window. I blinked, stretching my arms over my head.
“Hmmm….” I groaned. “Take that light off.”
“It’s the sun honey.” Edward said while chuckling. I groaned once more, rolling over to my stomach, and burying my head into the soft pillows, the breeze of the open window hitting my bare back.
“I’m too sore to move.” I complained. “I don’t want to—”
Before anymore words could leave my mouth Edward jumped on the bed, half landing on me as I squealed. He laughed, wrapping his fingers around both my wrists, climbing on top of me, pressing his bare chest to mine, grinning from ear to ear. He leaned down to kiss me.
After a good while of some good smooching, he pulled away.
“I’m up, I’m up.” I breathed out. He laughed and slowly removed himself from me. I just flipped back over on my stomach again. He chuckled as I let my eyes flutter closed once more.
I felt as he scooted me over to him, wrapping his arm around my waist. I let him, feeling at home in his arms, and tired at the same time. Last night had been….the best honeymoon ever to put it lightly.
I smiled to myself as I felt his fingertips graze my skin lightly. His fingers traced the loops and swirls on my shoulder, full of black ink.
“Bella….what are we going to do after I get called out?” he asked. That snapped me alert. I flipped over, sitting up and wrapping the blanket around me.
“Don’t talk about that.”
“But we have to eve—”
“No.” I said, cutting him off. “We don’t.” my teeth were gritted, and there was an obvious frown between my eyebrows. I didn’t want to talk about that. “If we have to hit that subject it will be after my honeymoon. Don’t ruin this for me.”
He sighed, nodding his head in agreement.
“So….who wants pancakes?”
-:-
Time flies. It really does. It flies and you don’t even know it’s gone by. I hate it. I hate the fact that three blissful weeks can fly before my eyes without a warning.
Most of all I hate that Edward is leaving. I have been thinking about it, and I truly don’t understand why he would do such a thing. Why would he want to leave me?
Of course, I knew he didn’t want to, he just wanted to follow his father’s footsteps…but that was no excuse.
Was it worth it? Was it worth all of this? Did he not love me enough?
I loved him enough, he knew that. He knew it. He knew it because I never left his side. I put up with all this shit.
And with every passing thought, my rage grew stronger and stronger.
“Bella?” I turned around to stare at him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, noticing my crossed arms and heavy breathing.
“You’re leaving tomorrow.” I stated.
“I know. I thought you’d want to spend the rest of the day with me…” he trailed off as my face got more hot by the second, though not as a result of embarrassment…but as a result of anger.
“Why?” I spat.
“Why?” he repeated confused.
“Why should I? Either way you’ll leave. The more I hold you the more attach I get, and the more hurt I’ll end up.” I said icily. He furrowed his brows.
“Are you—”
“I mean, do you not love me enough? I’m your wife Edward, you should stay here with me not leave me a wreck. And if you’re going to leave me a wreck, you might as well have not married me, that way it would have been easier!” I said my eyes narrowed and each word spitting out of my mouth harshly.
“Are you serious?! You’re my wife Bella! Meaning you should support everything I do—”
“Not when it’s going to hurt me!” I screamed, the tears running down my face as I lifted myself from the couch. “Not when it’s going to break me! Break us! Not when it could kill you Edward, God!” I threw my hands up to my hair, trying to hide my face. “We’re supposed to build a life together, be happy! You can’t just be my happy husband for three weeks and then leave!” I yelled, finally looking at his shocked face. “You knew I’d snap eventually because you knew it wouldn’t work out! You hurt me! And you knew it was going to happen! You—”
“I never meant to hurt you!” he yelled back, his face turning a bit pink. “I never meant to hurt you!” he repeated. “We were supposed to be happy when I got back, when—”
“Did you really think that would work?! Honestly?! Where does you going to war fit in with blissful happiness?!” I shot back.
“What is wrong with you?” he asked suddenly, his voice hoarse.
“You’re leaving me!” I yelled, dropping to the floor and placing my head on my knees.
It was a while before I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders…but I shrugged him off.
“Get away from me.”
And with that, I ignored his horrified expression, grabbed my keys and walked out the door.
-:-
It’s true I walked out last night, yes….I did….was it wrong…I’m not sure. But when I did walk out…when I made it to Esme’s house…I discovered something.
Something that could save us.
Something that could make Edward stay.
I didn’t go home last night. I stayed at Esme’s. I couldn’t handle seeing him with my condition.
But hopefully, with my new discovery, I could make him stay. Maybe….
If he didn’t stay….
I shook my head looking out the window, adrenaline rushing through my veins as I watched the passing cars. I had to make it on time.
I had to make him stay.
I had to.
My train of thought was cut short when my phone rang. Alice.
“Hello?”
“Bella?! Where the hell are you?!”
“Alice I’m on my way, Esme is driving me calm—”
“No Bella, Edward is worried sick, they’re leaving….like now.” My eyes went wide.
“What?” I gasped.
“Now!” Alice said.
“No. No. No. NO!” I shouted, causing Esme to jump. “Drive Esme! Drive! They’re leaving!” I shouted as I started to panic, my heart accelerating, and my head pounding.
“Bella run!” Alice said into the phone. I hung up and faced Esme.
“DRIVE!” I yelled. She did so, speeding as fast as possible.
I just kept yelling, my heart racing. Were we going to make it on time? Why didn’t I stay last night?
Oh my god.
“Bella, you’ll have to get off the car and run across the parking lot if you want to make it on time!” Esme rushed. She didn’t have to tell me twice.
I jumped out.
I ran.
I ran.
I ran.
And I ran.
I ran until I could make out Alice’s body.
I ran until I was sobbing so hard I couldn’t breathe.
I regretted it all.
I ran.
But by the time I made it there, it was too late.
He was in the car.
“Edward!” I shouted as he looked out the window of the green van.
“Edward!” I shouted again. I ran alongside the van causing people to stare at me, and the men to holler.
“Bella!” he shouted back, panicked. I sobbed.
This couldn’t be happening!
“Edward! I love you!” I yelled.
“I love you!” he yelled back. I couldn’t run anymore, suddenly tripping as my knees hit the ground.
My vision was too blurry to see the road they took.
“Wait!” I yelled after them. “Edward don’t leave me!” I yelled. “I’m pregnant!” I shouted.
But it was too late.
I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
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