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51 things that Emmett Cullen will NOT do…..Ever
1. Go around the school say that he is gay, and had a relationship with Edward. (While Bella is right next to him.)
2. Telling freshmen that Vampire fangs are cool to where to school, including capes.
3. Never give a demonstration of sex with Rosalie in front of the whole school. Even if it is on sex education day in health.
4. Do not tell Bella that he saw Edward naked. Even if he did.
5. Do not refer Edward as Sex Ed
6. Do not refer Edward as Mr. Tangerine Speedo
7. He should just not call Edward names
8. Say that Rosalie hair is so amazing and it tells him things.
9. Do not sing “Get Low” to Rosalie while she walks by because they can’t have sex in front of school and/or family.
10. Say, “I thought we were perfect for each other”, while Bella asks to pass the pepper.
11. Do not have a water balloon fight while the balloons look like bananas.
12. Sing text message break up wile Jasper and Alice walk by
13. Do not make fun of Bella when she got her hand stuck to Edward’s Speedo because of superglue.
14. Then say that it was on purpose.
15. Tell jasper that Texans are hicks.
16. Call Charlise Dr. Charlise Condom
17. Call Edward’s phone and say that the orphanage would like him to donate breast milk
18. then say if he could pump out a gallon of milk
19. On the other hand, he cannot just prank call anyone at that mater.
20. do not have the Birds and the bees conversation with Bella
21. then mention that Edward had to polish his piano because Rosalie and him had sex on it.
22. Think that forth graders are out to get him
23. or fruit
24. or Bella’s cereal
25. Mention to Rosalie that he is in love with someone else
26. then say it is a joke
27. then say it isn’t, an on and on and on
28. tell everyone that the Tooth Fairy is sexy
29. offer condoms to Esme, saying that she needs them
30. Tell Alice that she looks fat in any outfit
31. then say that she needs to go to Walmart and get fat pants
32. and tell her to go on Nutrisystem
33. also take all her shoes and replace them with tennis shoes
34. Dress up as an Indian and tell everyone that Rosalie thinks Indians are seductive.
35. talk about bananas in front of Bella
36. do not use toaster as catapults
37. tell every one for a good time call Jasper and/or Edward
38. Tell Edward that K and Y Luberant is a perfect gift for Valentines Day
39. and superglue is lame (even if it works)
40. Raid Alice’s undergarments and put fat sucking undergarments in instead
41. tell Edward to pose like a god in front of Bella.( with out clothes)
42. say to Alice, hey bite sized
43. picture Bella naked just to piss off Edward
44. try to cook for Bella
45. never play on the Slip and Slide
46. or suggest to play on it
47. or even think about it
48. take Rosalie’s bras and Bedazzler them
49. even if it looks hot
50. or just never use a Bedazzler
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“Well I think that is it.” Alice said as she took the paper over to Bella. “Yah that look about right,” Bella said as she scratched her head.
“Did he actually bedazzle Rosalie bras?” Jasper said
“Yah, he did and it did look hot, but I don’t want him to go though that drawer because I have very personal thing in there.”
“Is that so, Rosalie?” Emmett said as he walked by.
“Yes, but please don’t go and look.”
“He is,” Edward said.
“Emmett, NNNNOOOOO!”
“Well let’s go put this on the wall so he doesn’t forget, Kay,” Alice said as she was turning to walk to the wall.
“Kay,” everyone said as they walked to the wall.
As they were walking to the wall, all of the sudden a zebra print bra goes flying over everyone’s head.
“Emmett Cullen, come here NOW!” Esme said as she turned around
Alice picked up a pen and wrote,
51. “Take Rosalie’s bras and fling them around the house or any where, at that matter”.
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