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Once Upon A Time…
You must be wondering why I would start that way. My life is no fairytale. In truth, it is probably the furthest thing from it. I am no princess; I know no magic, no fairy godmothers. I am a character from another type of legend; a horror legend. I am a monster, an abomination, but believe it or not, I would not have it any other way.
Even with the extra burden of longing for the blood of every human I cross, and with the fate of knowing that I should be long dead as my once family and friends are, I find myself content. Well, almost. You see, there is one story I have never told. One secret part of my human life that not even my loving mate or my mind reading son knows of.
You see, there was once a time, long ago, I guess you could say it was "once upon a time" when I was so much more than this. I had a beating heart and warm, soft skin. I had friends that cared for me, and a family that, despite their many flaws, loved me and would have done almost anything for my happiness. And I had a beautiful child who was everything I could have ever asked for out of my despairing life. And even before my child, I had a love.
Please do not criticize me for mentioning him. I know what you will say to me. "What are you thinking Esme? You love Carlisle! And he loves you! What are you talking about?" And believe me, I do love Carlisle. So much that sometimes I can't even contain it. He is everything to me and I do not deserve him.
But there once was a time, when I did not know of any Carlisle in existence, and when I was completely unaware that my future would be like this. There was a time where, as unbelievable as it may seem, I had another love. And love him I did.
Oh, this man was so handsome. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He had dark curly hair, as soft as the winter's snow. And he was kind. And he was oh so gentle. His large, strong hand that held my own as the other pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
From the first time our eyes met, I knew that I was in love. For good or for worse. Forever. I would feel the need to add "till death do us part" but alas, that phrase holds no meaning for me anymore.
One might have said that we were soul mates. And they were 100 percent correct. The two of us were made for each other in every way, shape, and form.
But where this is true love, there is always conflict. For during that time, love was not tolerated in the absence of money. As hard as he tried, my love did not have the money to marry me.
I told him many times that I did not care. That I loved him and that my love for him, and his for me, did not need to be proven by marriage. But being the caring, passionate, gently, and truly amazing man that he was, he knew everything about me and everything I was thinking. It was almost as if we shared one mind. So he knew that a wedding was something I had always dreamed of having.
Although I would have given up that dream for him in an instance, he was not the man to kill a dream, but one to make sure that it stayed alive.
So, we vowed to keep our love a secret. For years we lived our lives, always staying near the other. Whenever there was a spare moment, we would disappear and find ourselves in the others arms.
But a live of secrecy will never end happy. Not knowing of the pain that they were causing me, my family decided to move out our small town and go live with my aunt, far, far away from my love.
The day I found out, I ran away to him and we spent the day in the woods with me crying in his arms and him ushering words of comfort to me while crying himself. For we both knew that he would not be able to follow. Our lives were over as we knew it.
"Run away with me" I had said to him. But he took my face in his hands and told me that I had to promise. Promise to live. Promise to go and be happy. Promise to move on and to not be sad at our parting. Promise to marry a great, faithful and caring man that would love and take care of me and promise to be an amazing mother and a friend. I promised, as did he.
On our parting moments, we vowed that one day, we would find each other again, no matter what our futures held in place for us. We both truly believed that we would be together again some day, somehow. If only our beliefs had been strong enough to come true.
I will admit, even though I promised that I would not be, I was heartbroken for many a time. Although my heart longed for him always, I let my heart heal and began living once more. I married and loved and had my beautiful baby, just as I promised him I would. But you know well that that story did not end well.
After I lost my child, I didn't know how to go on. I knew full well that with the absence of my adoring child and the absence of my love, the truest of loves, that my life was no more then worthless. What was the point in living now that they both were gone?
At that declaration, you probably believe that you know everything that happens here forth. But alas, you are not correct. You believe that my next telling will consist of me jumping off that cliff, Carlisle finding me and turning me into this creation I am now. But my dears, that part does not come till late in my story.
Because before I jumped, I searched. I searched for him. For my love. Oh, yes I found him; in a small cottage near a stream in the light woods. I'll admit that I was much too frightened to knock on the door, or to let my presence be known to him at first.
So instead, I gazed upon my love from the window. And watching, I smiled along with the tears that fell from my face.
He had kept his promise. He was happy. He was as beautiful as I had remembered. But long for my love as I did, I saw that he was no long truly mine. I saw his wife. She had a kind, gentle face and I was surprised to find that I felt no harsh feelings toward her.
And he had a daughter. She was adorable and beautiful just like her father. She had his eyes. Chocolate, deep, and adorning, I saw him in her.
I was happy to see him living such a wonderful life, although I wished that I could have been a part of it. He did not need me anymore.
So, I blew him a kiss, and I left. I did not look back. The rest of the story you know for some time. I jumped, I was found, and I was saved. I became the creature I am now.
But there is however, one secret still unknown to any other in existence. One secret I have still not told. I hold it deep in my heart, refusing to let go.
My secret? I have seen his eyes.
I have seen his eyes in another. In his daughter. I found out that my love had died of a tragic heart attack and I decided that I wanted, no that I NEEDED to be at the funeral. To this day, Carlisle still does not know where I went. All I told him was that I needed to leave for a little while.
I could tell that he wanted to ask, but being the man he is, he trusted me and respected my decision. All he asked was that I came back to him. I made that promise in a silent heartbeat (as mine no longer has any beats of its own).
I stood in the back, just watching and listening. I saw everyone crying and holding each other, but felt that none of them could be in as much pain as I. How could he be gone? How was it possible? Didn’t they say that true love never dies? Maybe me becoming immortal changed all that. Now he was dead.
As the ceremony ended, they opened the casket and allowed anyone that wished it to be able to approach. I waited till everyone had gone before approaching. I stared into the eyes of my love and stoked his cheek. If I was able to produce tears, I would be sobbing uncontrollable by now.
“Together again at last. I love you.” I bent down to kiss his forehead lightly and pushed back his hair. Even though is face was aged, I still saw the man I loved. He was so much the same in that he looked so beautiful and kind hearted.
It killed me that I would never feel the warmth of being in his arms ever again. Never have him push the stray hairs from my face or whisper words of comfort to me when I was sad. Never again would I look into his entrancing eyes. Never again.
“Did you know him well?” I turned sharply and gasped. His eyes were staring back at me. “I’m Esme. He was my father.”
Esme? He named his daughter after me? I felt a pang of despair but smiled as well. He loved me even when he had a family of his own.
“Oh. I’m-” I struggled to come up with a fake name. “I’m Danielle. My mother new him. She passed away some time ago.” I made up the story on the spot, knowing that it wouldn’t make sense to say I was who I am.
“Oh my. You must be Esme’s daughter.” I smiled and nodded. She took my hand as another tear rolled down her cheek. We went to sit and talk.
She was a lovely girl and it was clear that she loved her father as much as I. She was so grown from when I last saw her that night through the window, and she had kids of her own as well.
I noticed right away the similarities between them. She had his passion and his kindness. And in a way, just like her father, she saved me.
Her father had told her stories of me. And of our love that could concur anything. He named her after me because he hoped that one day she may be as amazing and gentle as I was. I was awestruck and told her about Esme’s love for her father, my love.
I can not express my happiness that he did not keep me a secret from his daughter and wife. I admit that I was proud that he loved me so dearly and could not forget me. But then again, I could not forget him either.
She and I talked for what seemed like eternity, even to someone immortal such as me. She told me about her fathers love for me and for her, and for her mother, and for life.
When we parted, I had a new spring in my step, a new contentment in my still heart. I could finally move on knowing that wherever he was, he still loved me. He had kept his promise, every promise he had ever made to me. And in some sense, I would always hold a piece of him with me, and he would the same with me.
So that is the story. The empty chapter of my being. The secret that I had vowed never to tell.
Of course, some part of me will always long for him. But, now I look to the other room at the man I have loved so deeply for the last century. My past love, and my present love, are so different.
Yet both are kind and gentle, and everything I have ever dreamt of. But one love is gone.
Some say that you only find one true love in a lifetime. I am proof, that you can find true love again. Although, I guess, my lifetime is over.
So although, the love of my life is gone…
The love of my existence is right here and he loves me.
Carlisle is an incredible and there are no words to describe my love for him. I just wanted to finally tell my untold story. The story of a man and a girl, and how they lived. And how they parted, and how their love defied even death itself.
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